Derian Hatcher Finds Blouse

...one to match his skirt...

quote from BGL after Sunday's game:

"Last night I went after (Flyers defenceman Derian) Hatcher when it was 4-2 near the end," said Laraque. "I said, 'Listen, you wanted to be tough against Malkin? Show me how tough you are. You're 6-5, 230? I said let's go.' I wanted to fight him because I can't let a big guy like that go after our star players and not do anything about it. At least I let my message through to him."

note to Georges: don't hurt him too bad. We're better off the more ice time Hatcher gets.

Beat Down

Told ya this was gonna be fun...



The Flyers perspective of the fight was that Upshall won because he blocked all of TK's punches with his face. Hockeyfights.com gives TK the win at 88%. 8% had it a draw, and 4% Flyers fans chimed in.

After Friday's game, Upshall was quoted as saying the Malkin breakaway shorty that lit up Biron's man boobs was residue of Geno being "lazy." Ok.

At one point during yesterday's game, Malkin's broken stick that laid on the ice blocked 2 Pens shots...which was more than all of the Flyers defensemen had combined. Malkin's stick will be a free agent at the end of the season, and rumor is that Paul Holmgren will try to sign it as a free agent to replace Derian Hatcher.

I love the fact this was called No Goal...


I also love the fact that Jarkko Ruutu gets punched in the face after the whistle, and Ruutu gets 2 minutes for having his face in the way. You get our worst game, and we still beat your lame ass. I want to play short handed the rest of the series. I want every penalty to be called on the Pens. I wish Crosby and Malkin would play with one hand tied behind their back, because nothing can save this series for the scumbag Flyers.

The pumpkin colored jerseys won't help you back at the Wachovia Center, either. This series, and the Flyers season, is OVER. Pack the clubs, boys. Thanks for coming.

btw...did Chris Osgood get shot Saturday night?

Kimmo Timonen, OUT

Too bad, so sad. Any other team, I may feel sympathy for. But the Flyers faithful can take solace in the fact that they'll have another excuse to lean on after their man-teets are peeled.

So John Stevens wasn't kidding when he said he planned on using Derian Hatcher to check Sidney Crosby (Ok, stop laughing, please continue...)


What's the difference between Derian Hatcher and a lamp post?

The lamp.

Ok...very similar to the oldie but goodie...

What's the difference between Steve Downie and a bucket of crap?

The bucket.

Gets me every time. In a related story...

Our good pal Chris Henry was back in the news. Henry, contemplating his future in the NFL, recently said:

"I think it would be better to move on to another city, a fresh start, new team, new environment," Henry told Sporting News Radio. "I'm really a good guy. Just got caught up in a few bad situations. ..."

Shortly after Henry said this, the reporter started to chuckle. Henry proceeded by waving his gun, raping his girlfriend, and throwing a bottle at his car.

My Official Pens / Flyers Series Prediction:

Penguins in 3. Therrien finds a way.

Fun for the whole family....

Phillysucks.com

Only 2 things good to come out of Philly...our pal Steve and Jim's Steaks.

If Gary Roberts were Apollo Creed, Rocky II would've been impossible.

I Hate the Flyers. Even more so than Bono.

that is all.

W.W.G.R.D.

As the Pens continue to roll, the Gary Roberts phenomenon increases to gather mo. Here's some of the Roberts' legends floating around the Penguins locker room, as paraphrased from Hal Gill, BGL, and Whitney:

* When GR goes to Burger King, he orders a Big Mac. And gets it.

* When GR does push-ups, he doesn't push up...he pushes the Earth down.

* GR marinates his steak in pepper spray.

And my personal fav:

* A Pens fan couldn't attend a recent game because he needed to cut the grass. So GR came over and stared at the grass. It no longer grows.

Eff Umberger...

thanks to The Pensblog for above image.
Pens coverage at its finest. Check 'em here.

...and that goes for all of his dirtbag teammates. I don't even know where Plum is.

This is gonna be fun, pure and simple. I think the best the Flyers can hope for is to make it exciting. Because this series probably won't be close.

Sidney Crosby or Danny Briere? Evgeni Malkin or Mike Richards? Marian Hossa or Jeff Carter? Please. We've got the supreme talent, the better special teams, and the best goalie left in the Final 4. The Flyers have Derian Hatcher, a tree stump with a stick. What were once considered weaknesses for the Pens, like the PK or goaltending, are now strengths. This team will not be denied...especially from the likes of a crap organization like the Philadelphia Flyers.

The scary thing is...Crosby hasn't even gone off yet. Yeah...12 assists through 9 games is nice. But Sid has yet to dominate like he can. That will most likely change, if not because he's due, but because the Flyers know how to bring out the best in Sid. And we all know what happens when he plays Philly. They'll take cheapshot runs at him, maybe accuse him of diving, and Sid will walk away with a 4 point night. Meanwhile, Flyers fans who wish they had #87 on their team will call sportstalk radio and cry.

Cocky Penguins fan, here? Effin-a right. The road couldn't have been paved any better. And it's gonna be a pleasure to see the scumbag Flyers squirm in misery, all the way back to the bottom of the murky muck...or wherever they come from. As Mark Madden said yesterday, the Flyers will be no more than carcass that we simply need to jump over on our way to the Stanley Cup.

One thing that scares me. The Flyers have zero class...always have. And it wouldn't surprise me in the least to see one of their non-talented ass bags attempt to injure one of our superstars. That's just how the Flyers roll. Players like Steve Downie and Scott Hartnell no doubtfully sit around naked, masturbate to old Broad Street Bullies videos, and fantasize about who they're going to spear next.

Worse part about these two turds? They've got no problem raising the sticks during a scrum, or punching someone in the back of the head when they're not looking. But they're the worst type of dirty player, because they hide behind their shields. At least our "dirty" player leaves his face out to dry after he hits someone.

I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY. It may not provide much drama, but it sure will be fun. The only burning question may be...

will Head Coward John Stevens dress Riley Cote and allow him to get his ass beat by BGL? I suspect not, but that would be fun as well.

Avery Expected to Make Full Recovery

Uh, yeah. Those sappy sentiments from the previous post. Forget all that. Sean Avery is still a Jag-Off.

Sounds like the initial reports that said he was "unconscious" and "not breathing" were rather false. According to the National Post, Avery supposedly walked himself into the hospital. And while he won't play the rest of the year, he's expected to make a full recovery from a lacerated spleen.

Can't believe I fell for that one.

Best Wishes Sean Avery

Seriously. As much as we don't like the guy on the ice, I'd take back all derogatory comments in exchange for a speedy recovery.

Reports are out that Avery was rushed to a Manhattan hospital @ 3:00am last night, not-breathing and unconscious. Conflicting reports say it's either cardiac arrest or a lacerated spleen. He is supposedly on a respirator. Puts things into perspective a bit.

Get well, Sean.

Here's some of the reports...

NY Daily News

Globe and Mail.com

We're All Going Streaking (Everyone's Doing It)

Ok...enough of this ripping on the Rangers and their whiny fans. It's no longer fun when they fold up the tents, and walk away with their tail between their legs (golf bags in hand). On to the fun...

Remember Nathan Smith? A call-up from Wilkes-Barre this year who appeared in a handful of games with the big Pens. Appears he did his best Ned Braden impersonation, and decided to run naked into the streets of downtown Scranton early Sunday. Smith was arrested for "public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open lewdness, and indecent exposure." I gotta party with that guy.

BGL goes top shelf on Henry, lays one on Dan Potash...



These are the good times.

Ok...one last jab at the Rags...

The Rangers Power Play % last night...in my best Dean Wormer voice...

Zero Point Zero

What's the Headline today New York?

Rangers Getting Swept, Down 3-0

Fans miffed as to why

Must be the Refs fault?
Or is it Roger Clemens' fault?
Can't be that we try to buy players and suck...no...management's fault?
Wait...that's the Yankees, which must mean it's Torre's fault...
Must be Steinbrenner's fault?
Mindy McCready's fault?
Jeter's fault...no...I meant A-Rod's fault?
It's the salary cap's fault?
Billy Crystal's fault?
Babe Ruth's fault?
Isaiah Thomas, or Larry Brown's fault?
MSG, that piece of crap building's fault?

It could be Sean Avery's fault?
Na...more like Jagr's fault. Shanahan's fault? Drury's fault? No...those all sound too much like "our fault."

It's the Islanders' fault. Or better...Rick DiPietro and his 15 year contract's fault?
Marty Brodeur's fault?
Willie Randolph?
Jose Reyes?
Mookie Wilson?
Bill Buckner? Wait. no. he...helped us....back to....
A-Rod?

Maybe it's Colton Orr's fault? Does he have a pussy? Does Tom Renney have a pussy? Do they both have pussies? Maybe Avery wish he had a pussy?

Actually...when you really boil it down, it's the media's fault - the local media, the national media, the regional media, the global media, the universal-outer-space (not including Pluto) media - the NHL's Fault - Gary Bettman's fault - NBC's fault - Vs's fault - ESPN's fault - Barry Melrose's fault - TSN's fault - Don Cherry's fault. All of Canada's fault? The Northwest Territories' fault? The rest of the "Original 6's" fault? The Winnipeg Jets', the Quebec Nordiques', the Hartford Whalers', and Brass Bonanza's fault?

What about that dude driving the Zamboni? Did you notice the dude doing the ice in the 2nd intermission was different than the dude during the 1st intermission? I think he buried a Bruins jersey under the ice while he went around the first corner.

The organ player's fault? Maybe the Penguins trainer messed with the game pucks in-between periods? You know...replaced good pucks with bad pucks that gave the Pens an unfair advantage?

There must be a reason we're getting our man-boobs handed to us on on a platter. And it can't possibly be that we're simply inferior opponents. Are we suppose to accept the fact that we're losers? That's just not reasonable, people!! When one of you fellow Ranger fans figures it out, and finds a good excuse, give us a shout. Until then...this is (insert dumb ass New York sports journalist here), signing off...

Go Rangers. Long live Woody Allen.

Joe Starkey on Coward Avery

Cowardly Avery tried to take out Crosby

Best part without reading: Pierre McGuire overheard Hal Gill tell Avery at the end of the game: "You just weren't hugged enough as a child. That's why you've got issues."

All this playoff hockey stuff is getting me PUMPT!! This was me this morning after reading Starkey's column:

Old Time Hockey

Gotta love seeing influx of young talent in the NHL playoffs...Sid, Ovechkin, Gino, Phaneuf, Getzlaf, etc, etc.

But it's still nice to see a bunch of the old faces in the crowd: Roenick, Modano, Shanahan, Federov, Jagr, Sakic, etc, etc.

That said, Gary Roberts would kill all of you.

note to Pens fans: Roberts is scratched again for Game 4. Rumor has it he's still hiding out in the rice patties searching for Charlie. In honor of Scary Gary...

Round 2 - Over

Again, as fans, we can get ahead of ourselves. Jags, attention whore Avery, and the rest of the Rangers are d.u.n. Thanks for coming. Pack the golf clubs.

So the latest whining topic out of New York is that Crosby dives. Boy...that just really irks me. Didn't Tom Renney and the rest of the Blueshirt babies get the memo? Don't poke the bear. You get Sir Sid mad, and he'll just reign on you even more. Now kneel down and bow.

This is absolutely hilarious...can't believe I'd never seen it before. THIS...is a dive...


thanks to PuckMonkeyHockey for that.

With the 23rd Pick...

of the 1st Round of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Pittsburgh Steelers select...

from the arcade game Donkey Kong....

Donkey Kong



Mel Kiper likes the pick, and pointed out that Donkey Kong had a great workout at the combine, lifting 35 barrels in 60 seconds. His one down side is he's susceptible to quick smaller guys, like Mario. Kong's capable of playing many positions and should be able to make an immediate impact on whatever side of the ball Mike Tomlin puts him on.