With some exceptions, an asshat is usually earned with a full body of work. Barry Bonds, “Adam” Pac-Man Jones, Terrell Owens, and Sean Salisbury are all fine examples of people who built up a quality resume of asshat behavior before finding their way to CSC or EC’s hallowed grounds. It is with this in mind that I take my first foray into asshat induction writing.
A self-inflicted gunshot wound aside, Burress has had an asshat coming for quite sometime. “Plex,” who is making $3.25 million to not extend himself out over the middle, has already been suspended by the Giants for missing a team meeting. Not the first time he’s felt the need to skip work, The Steelers suspended him back in May of ’04 for exactly the same thing. This, is in addition to an endless line of fines levied against him by the Giants for being late to meetings and practice. However, three and quarter mill may not be enough to stay with a Super bowl winning team, as Burress sat out as long as humanly possible in order to force the Giants into giving him a new contract. We see who won that battle. So, what have the Giants gotten in exchange for this endless pain in the ass? Let’s go to the numbers.
His salary, pro-rated for the 11 games so far, looks like this…
$63,839 per catch
$4,922 per receiving yard
$558,594 per touchdown
Dude, your right. I have no idea how you can allow yourself to play for such meager wages. You are money.
According to SI the average wide out is pulling down $1,054,437, which combined with the league average stats make the value look like this.
$2,361 per receiving yard
$362,463 per touchdown
I’m sure the extra cash is thrown in because he’s such a good locker room guy.
So, yeah about that whole “loaded gun down pants with safety off” thing. Honestly, the best part of the story is that fact that Burress checked into the hospital under the name “Harris Smith” and told the doctors that he was shot at an Applebee’s.
Sadly, like the Falcon’s Ron Mexico jersey, the NFLShop has already shut down people attempting to buy #17 Giants’ H. Smith jerseys.
Well, have fun getting that big, shiny, new contract Mr. Smith. At least you know the Raiders will be ready to sign you.
3 comments:
i imagine the conversation goes like this:
"Yo Plex! You 'bouts ready to go clubbin?!"
"One sec, hommies!" (thinks to himself):
Keys - check
Money - check
License - check
Credit Card - check
9 - check
"Let's go!"
As Eazy would say:
Rollin down the street in my 6-4
Jockin the bitches
Slappin the hoes
It really sounds amazing that NFL Shop has already shut down people attempting to buy #17 Giants’ H. Smith jerseys.
Post a Comment