The Horror

Every October, Jess & I stack the horror flicks at the top of the Netflix Q. Some newly scene, some revisited. Many of the latter, however, since I believe the modern horror film has become, well...just too modern. Too many of today's films rely on post-production & state-of-the-art gimmickry that usually turns the movie into an overblown, overcast, overproduced, overbudgeted pile of junk. It amazes me all of these remakes that keep getting shoved into our faces: The Hills Have Eyes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Omen, The Fog, When a Stranger Calls, etc, etc. It's a shame that the majority of the present day movie viewers that these redo's are marketed toward can not appreciate the originals for what they were. Otherwise, why make them? Instead of the junk of today, give me some old school artistic vision, some craftiness with the camera, and a spooky musical score.

One note before we start, regarding an annoying trait of some horror film viewers. When I sit down in the big chair with popcorn & Jujyfruits in hand, I totally submerse myself into the movie (picking at the teeth, aside). I'm ready to be entertained, and in the case of this particular genre...scared, spooked, or just left feeling awkward and creeped out. If you're the type of person that comes out of a scary movie with a challenging attitude of "that didn't scare me" or "that couldn't happen," then you should probably skip these recommendations. You may simply find them "cheesy." Go watch some feel good Sandy Bullock dumb ass movie.

As mentioned, much of what you'll see here are older films, which are simply what I prefer when it comes to this genre. These films offer a certain aesthetic that you just can't find in today's horror. Right on time for Halloween weekend, here's a few of the best ones we've watched (of about 30) over the past month:

Suspiria (1977) - Frickin FANTASTIC film, and probably my favorite one directed by Italian horror master, Dario Argento. For those sub-title haters in the crowd...don't get yer panties in a bunch. It's all English speaking, although there are some dubbed voices in there. However, nothing to deter from how great this film is.

I believe the tagline on Suspiria was, "The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes, are the first 92." Probably not the greatest tagline for those viewers (like me) who don't wish to know the length of a film before it starts, especially suspenseful thrillers. SPOILERS, PEOPLE!

I don't know anything about film making, but I'm told Argento's use of colors (is it the technicolor technique?) that's one of the enduring qualities that makes the images in Suspiria so unique. The murder sequences are simply horific, and the music to the film, performed by a band named "Goblin," ranks right up there with John Carpenter's original Halloween music...at least in my book.

Without giving away too much of the story, it's basically the best horror film you'll ever see about witches, co-written by Argento and his girlfriend at the time, Daria Nicolodi.

Recommendation: Serious Hi-Fives

Martin (1977) - George A. Romero's low budget film about a teenage kid, Martin (left), who believes he is a vampire. Don't expect Night of the Living Dead, or Dawn of the Dead here. It's a tad different from those zombie classics in that there's no classic monster images. I mean...Martin is a vampire (or is he? maybe he's not?), but there are no fangs piercing from his gums. He doesn't rise at night from a coffin and he doesn't get deterred by clumps of garlic.

On the contrary, Martin, played by John Amplas, stalks his prey in a more concise, practical way than your typical "nosferatu," which his uncle calls him throughout the film (which is pretty comical, actually). Martin's manuerisms and Romero's setting lend a realism to this film, whereas other vampire movies may lean towards more of a fantasy realm.

My fellow Pittsburgh posse will find it even more interesting in that it was filmed locally in Braddock, PA. As a special treatie for all my fellow RMU kids, you get to see former Robert Morris professor Tony Buba, who gets a little cameo role as a drug dealer at the end of the movie. This is also the first film that Romero had pal Buba do the sound for (the 2nd, I'm rather certain was Dawn of the Dead). Make sure you don't skip the extras of the DVD, which includes a short little 'making of Martin.' The house that Martin is shot in is actually Buba's former home in Braddock (you even get to see Mama Buba interviewed!). Great stuff.

confidential note to the RMU-ers: if anyone has the ability, please forward this to Tony. I would love to hear how he's doing. Word on the streets (translate: Nick), is that he's now working locally on a documentary, but you'd all know better than me. Selfishly speaking, I'd also like to know how in the world I can ever see 'Lightning Over Braddock: A Rustbowl Fantasy.'

For those not familiar with Buba, the documentary above was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at 1989's Sundance Film Fest. And for another little tidbit (straight from my personal Rain Man of film; translate again: Nick), legend has it that Mr. Buba actually shared a room at that Sundance with Mr. Steven Soderburgh, who happened to be premiering a little indie classic that year called, Sex, Lies & Videotape. Now that is some trivia bustin-out shits right there people...straight from your friends at 'Empties Crushed'.

HOLY CRAP, Nick! Six Degrees of Tony Buba! Starting with Robert Pollard (hint: use Soderburgh's Bubble). Or something like that.

OK, sorry for the sidetrack. Anyways...if you haven't yet seen Martin, it's well worth the spin.



Last House on the Left (1972) - to avoid fainting, keep repeating:

It's only a movie

It's only a movie

It's only a movie

Or at least that's what the original trailer advised. Legend has it that when this film first hit theatres, there were people leaving in disgust, some even vomitting in the aisles. So that's pretty cool, right there. Wes Craven's first film is not your typical horror flick in that it's not as scary as it is brutally creepy & over-the-edge violent. One of its original titles that producer Sean S. Cunningham (who later produced the original Friday the 13th) came up with was "Sex Crime of the Century." But they later settled on 'Last House...' when some marketing guru saw it and suggested the title to Cunningham & Craven. A nice little extra in the DVD is the making of the movie, which surprisingly features the entire cast of the film (give or take a couple).

Included in the 'making' is David Hess (left, raping), the actor who plays Krug, the leader of this motley crue of thugery. Hess also does the original music for the film, a kind of goofy folk spin, which offers a stark, yet lighthearted contrast to the happenings on the screen. Not to say it's not effective. Quite the contrary, it adds a real-ness, everyday-ness kind of appeal that screams 'this crazy shit can really happen.'

It's amazing to compare this work from Craven, and say, The Hills Have Eyes (another creepy gem, imho) to a movie like Red Eye, which I thought was complete garbage (sorry, Wes). Hey, but those are the Hollywood blockbusters that pay the bills.

I won't spoil the rest of the Last House on the Left but let's just say that the violence bestowed upon the two original girlies is not the end the terror. So strap yourself in with this one, don't pee your pants (foreshadowing), and remember that it's only a movie.

Evil Dead (1982) - maybe the first of the horror / comedy genre that I'm aware of, with a little less of the latter than its two follow-ups, Dead By Dawn and Army of Darkness. A group of friends go to a cabin in the woods for nice weekend of fun, and happen to find a taped translation of a 'Book of the Dead.' There's definitely a lesson to be learned here. Don't ever actually play the translation. That's when the evil arises from the woods. That's when the gore happens. Lots of gore. Bloody & brutal gore.

Bruce Campbell would go on to define the genre, and for any fan of his, I would highly recommend seeing this one 1st and foremost.

Nosferatu (1922) - OK. Let's get this straight. I highly doubt this film's gonna scare anyone. I've seen lists, and heard comments on how it's one of the "scarier" films of all time. I would say that's a reach. I mean...it's a silent film! Hence, prep yourself for some humorous over-acting to compensate. But please don't let that scare you.

I do, however, highly recommend checking it out from a simple nostalgic point of view. And I would dare say that Count Orlok (played by Max Schreck) is definitely one of the creepiest looking monsters of all time. Other film buffs will probably be able to tell you why it's such a great historical film, but I'll stay away from such conversation, and leave that to the more knowledgeable film peeps.

I simply enjoy the creepy images of Orlock and his castle, as well as the landscape shots of old Germany. There's a cool extra in the DVD that will show you comparison photos of both Bismarck, Germany then and now, and many of the buildings, while some are refurbished, still stand today. Call me a romantic turd, but I think that's well worth the rental.

At the very least, if the silent-ness of the film bores you (there is a score, at least), maybe Nosferatu can serve as a mood piece for some background fodder at your next Halloween clam bake. I guess that may come off as blasphemy to some folk.

Audition (2000) - now while Audition isn't silent, it is a Japanese film, so prep yourself for some sub-titles. I know that will have many of you running for the exits, but you'd be very remissed if you didn't give this one a shot. It's not really your prototypical horror film, but trust me...you will be horrified by the time it's over. And it's definitely a slow mover, but that's part of the greatness of Audition. Director Takashi Miike slowly builds the tension throughout, right up to one of the most memorable climatic scenes in any horror film, ever. Providing you can keep your eyes on the screen.

Please see this film. You will not be disappointed and you will most definitely be disturbed.

Demons (1985) - think 28 Days Later, but trapped inside a movie theatre, and without the disappointing 2nd half. Or at least that's what these ghoul-like zombie demons seem resemble (i.e. they're fast). When I originally saw Demons, I'd mistakenly thought that it was another Dario Argento directed film. Well...Argento is actually the producer of the film, and it is directed by fellow Italian, Lamberto Bava. Upon watching the first five minutes, it's obvious it's not Argento directed, because it just doesn't seem as good as say, Suspiria (above), or Tenebre, or Phenomena.

That's not to say Demons isn't a quality, fun-packed ride through the world of flesh eating ghouls. Corny 80's music aside, Demons is a lot of fun. So bottom line...don't expect Argento, but I'd recommend it nonetheless.

Shock Waves (1976) - as one of the quotes on the poster above claims, "the BEST of the Nazi Zombie horror movies." What it forgets to mention, they can also breath under water!

Actually, the only other Nazi zombie film I saw was Zombie Lake, which sucked.

But Shock Waves, on the other hand, is magnificent on every level (yes...I'm sticking by that statement). I love this film more and more each year. You can all poke fun at me all you want, but it's become an obsession. As Jess is my witness, an October can't go by without watching Shock Waves at least once.

It starts out with a still black & white photo of an actual group of Nazi SS troopers, with a narration that sounds like it's right out of In Search Of, minus the Leonard Nimoy voice. Legend has it that during WWII, some German Frankenstein-like doctors designed this indestructible soldier, trained in killing people with their bare hands (sounds like Bicks, actually). Oh, and they could breath under water. They called them...the "Death Corps."

Well, the Death Corps ship set sail for a 3 hour tour, during which, the war had ended. The ship turns into a ghost ship at some point because it gets lost and is never heard from again. Until now. Somewhere off the coast of Miami, some 40 years later, these crazy German bastards are up to no good.

Much of the film takes place on this tropical isle, during daylight hours as a group of vactioners are taking a little cruise in the Atlantic. It's this summer holiday setting, cast amidst the terror of the zombies, that gives Shock Waves a dichotemy of sorts that I'm pretty fond of.

Supporting roles by horror legends Peter Cushing and John Carradine lend a little credence to an otherwise unknown cast. A young Brooke Adams (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Dead Zone) appears as the skimpy clothed whore. The best way I can say it:

Shock Waves is EVERYTHING!

Here's the original trailer, which I found from some dude on You Tube (it's somewhat soothing to the senses to know there are other Shock Waves fans out there):

The Canadians are Coming!

Got to see Broken Social Scene last night at a jam-packed Mr. Small's (where else, ey?). BTW...the blog title above is not just a reference to this Toronto based indie band, but also a loving shout-out to all of our Canadian pals we miss hanging with.

I didn't really get into BSS's last self-titled album that much from 2005, but I absolutely loved 2002's "You Forgot It In People," pretty much one of my favorite records of that year. I did hear some nice little ditties in the set that didn't pass the familiarity test, so I really need to give that 2005 album a little more attention.

Personally speaking, sometimes it takes a good live performace of a band's more recent stuff to kickstart my interests. Typically, I don't warm up to the whole "this is the first song on our new album" thingy that quick. But that's just a flaw in my armor. So I'll definitely give their more recent stuff some more spins...at least a couple more times.

If you'd like to see BSS live with its full montage of musicians (I think I counted 11 on stage at various times at Mr. Small's), I'd do so sooner rather than later. From the sounds of frontman, Kevin Drew (not the scruffy dude above...that's bass player Brendan Canning), it doesn't look like they will be taking the full crew on tour with them in the future. I'm no tour manager, but I can imagine it might be hard to coordinate a dozen schedules of band members who only play part time with the band. Not to mention all of the misc. little side projects of the band members like Apostles of Hustle, Metric, Stars, and Do Make Say Think (who actually opened for BSS).

So in the future, you may be getting a smaller, more condensed Broken Social Scene. We will see.

Anyway...good times were had. A lot friendly Canadian folk in the crowd. Miller Lites were consumed. And it appears they were well received in Pittsburgh, so hopefully they'll come back, even if it is a Cliff Notes version of the full band. Local reviews:

• Post Gazette
• Pittsburgh Live
  

Here's some sampling. This one always makes me wanna pick up my air bass. From the aforementioned You Forgot It In People:
(left click to play, right click to download):
Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time

And here's some live video action of "7/4 (Shoreline)", featuring part time vocalist Emily Haines. It didn't come out all that great b/c of the whole darkness thing at Mr. Smalls, and it appears to be a bit outta sink with the audio, but here ya go anyway:

Probably a better visual representation of the same song, courtesy of Arts & Crafts Record Label:

The Inspiration for 'Empties Crushed'

Yes. The inspiration for 'Empties Crushed' (the blog, that is) came partly from this masked gentleman, who shall remain nameless. The line "empties crushed," of course, is from none other than lyrical genious Robert Pollard, the greatest songerwriter from the greatest band ever. Or at least Jess & I think so.

note: the links in the right sidebar are your friends in this instance

Some may know this crazy character as "The Face" for his poker prowess. Others familiar with fantasy baseball may know him as "Carlos Lee for Cash." I'm not sure who he thinks he's kidding, but what kinda bullsh*t "STAFF" is he part of?!?!?

Anyways...after moving from Chicago in 2001, I'd since developed the habit of e-mailing old friends with quirky little thoughts, top 10 lists, and other sorts of nonsensical time wasting crap. After all, I've got a plethora of amazing thoughts to share. After sending a group e-mail about some stupid Top Blah Blah of 2006 list, I received a response from the Face that went something like this:

"Hey Gary, you turd box. Why don't you just start a blog you big dork."

That was all the motivation I needed. Find some crafty in my own mind blog title. Blog started. Infinite wisdom & knowledge is shared.

Guided by Voices fan or not, here's a little treatie for all the kids. I'd originally found the following live MP3 on Soulseek a few years back. I had it sitting on my hd for a couple years before I actually realized where/when it was from. Later, I'd come to stupidly realize, "hey...I was at that show." It was September of 2002. A small little intimate gathering of...I don't know...say 400 (I'm terrible at estimating attendance) at the old Grog Shop in Cleveland was privy to the 2.5 hour, 48 song set. Song #2 of the set was "Subspace Biographies," which contains the lyric "empties crushed" referred to as the title of this fantastic blog (as well as the line "there is nothing worse than an undetermined person"). I was standing about 2 deep, Doug-side. If you listen closely, I think you can hear me singing ;)

Play loud, and give yourself some room for leg kicks. Altogether now:

Bah Bah Bah, Bah Bah Bah, Bah Bah Bah Bah Dah:
(left click to play, right click to download):
GBV - Subspace Biographies - Live at the Grog Shop, 2002

Excuse me, Sir. Is that a Lobster in your Pants?

Jimmy’s 47th Birthday in Baltimore Extravaganza got started at Legal Seafoods, located in the Inner Harbor just blocks from Camden Yards. Some dude who looked like Notorious B.I.G. (Jimmy…what was that guy’s name??), and suckled on a foot long cigar while it was still in the plastic wrapper, gave us the recommendation. I was sold.

After a few apps, some chowder, and tasty beverages, it was time for some lobster.

WAITER: “Are you ready to order?”

ME (menu closed): “Absolutely. Set the two of us (Jimmy & I) up with some lobster, whatever you recommend. This bean bag (referring to Bucky) only eats red meat.”

WAITER: “Well, for the both of you, perhaps 8 to 10…”

JIMMY: “Sounds good Chief. Make it the 10.”

WAITER: “Would you like it de-shelled?”

ME: “You got it there, Chief.”

So, we donned the butter bibs, and commenced burying our faces into this mammoth bowl of lobster. Meanwhile, Bucky nibbled on his junior bacon cheeseburger. Half hour later, the bowl is still half full.

JIMMY (grabbing waiter): “Excuse me, chiefy. Did you say this was 10 ounces or 10 pounds?”

WAITER (without batting an eye): “10 pounds.”

So in true humanitarian make-things-right Jimmy style, he gave the wait staff the leftovers, which had to be at least 5-6 pounds of meat.

Thanks for dinner, Jimmy!!!!!

Seriously though. How in the world does someone think 10 pounds of lobster is appropriate for 2 dudes?!?!

Needless to say, we weren’t up for peanuts or Crackerjacks at the Orioles game, which followed immediately. Camden Yards is beautiful, and the seats were great. I mean…nothing says good times like sitting next to two dudes who heckle Twins 3-bagger Nick Punto the entire game.

Oh...and after the game, I joined forces with the "Free the Birds" coalition, whose soul purpose is to oust Baltimore Oriole owner Peter Angelos. I think they liked my enthusiasm. And I'm not quite sure what wrong this Angelos dude has done, but after giving me a free "Free The Birds" placard, I was completely down for their cause.

Hey, Hey! Ho, Ho! This Peter turd has got to Go!

Saturday was the Virgin Music Fest at Pimplico Race Track, and Jimmy made things right by getting the V.I.P. treatment. For a mere extra $100, you get to sit in a private area away from all the animals. There was top shelf booze. Oh…and these lovely red seats.

Got caught in traffic, so unfortunately, missed out on Drive-By Truckers. Got there just in time for Wolfmother’s set on the main stage…they rocked. The New Pornographers were playing without the lovely Neko Case, so that was somewhat of a buzzkill. The NPs and Carl Newman were still fun, nonetheless. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah followed (I believe the cool kids call them “The Clap”) with some groovin good tunage. Gnarls Barkley, dressed in full Roman garb, was probably more interesting than "crazy."

But the best act of the early afternoon imho was the Brazilian Girls. Not sure what it was, perhaps the booze was starting to flow by this time, but Sabina Sciubba and the whole stocking mask thing really does it for me. It was very festiv, a tad exotic, and perhaps quasi-weird at the same time. I think. I loved it.

After the Brazilian Girls, a nice little pee-break band in the Killers hit the stage, so I explored the fine facilities of the Pimplico grandstand, and grabbed our free tee-shirts (also included in the VIP package….what a deal!?!?!?). Next up, was The Who. I probably was a little too harsh with my criticism of The Who. Of course, it was cool to see Pete & Rog on stage. But the first half of their set just sounded like crap to me. OK...they're old, so I'll give them a break. Maybe I was just tired after the long day. Anyway, by the time they were done playing, I was a little more appreciative. So Kudos to The Who for attending the occasion.

The main attraction, and well worth the price of admission alone was The Flaming Lips. Even if you’re not a fan of the music, you’ve got to be a real sour-puss to not enjoy the live act. Wayne Coyne and crew put on an amazing spectacle that never fails to put a smile on this here face. Confetti cannons, Santa suits, dancing aliens, fake blood, the whacked out video montages, the interactive crowd stuff. It all makes me wanna sing and give hugs.

The set was pretty much typical for a Lips show, complete with your hits from Yoshimi, a couple from The Soft Bulletin (including "Race for the Prize"), and the old school "She Don’t Use Jelly." Also got a taste of their most recent record At War With the Mystics with "The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song" (appropriately titled) and "Free Radicals" (see video below).

sidenote: be sure to check the Lips website (link above or in the sidebar) for lots of good video, including "the YYY song."

Wayne started the show by blowing up a huge bubble that engulfed him, and then crowd surfed in the bubble (see video below). Warning, only the 1st 10 seconds (of :36) are worthy seeing. The rest is jumpy b/c Bucky kept punching me in the back. It'll give you a good shot of Wayne in the bubble, though:



Perhaps the best part of the Flaming Lips set: the Red Hot Chili Peppers ran interference by playing at the exact same time on the main stage, helping to curb some attendance issues at the side stage.

Here's a rocking version of "Free Radicals." Typically, most of my live video sucks (it's shot on a Canon Powershot for chrissakes, so cut me some slack!!), however, some generous soul rated this 5 stars on You Tube (I think it's the only video anyone's ever rated of mine), and it appears to have gotten some hits. I won't hype it up, b/c I don't want you to be disappointed. But it's better than my previous stuff, I must say. That being said...still not all that great. I'm no musician, but I believe that's a double neck guitar Mr. Coyne is playing. Here t'is:



All in all, a great weekend. We learned that they're shooting the beginnings of a Die Hard 4 in Baltimore, and I've got some good footage for "Bucky, the Documentary" which I'll be finishing over the next year.

The Last Steeler Fiesta of the Year

What a BRUTAL effort. The 5th and final Last Steeler Fiesta of the Year brough ZERO intensity from the usual crew. I know I brought my intensity! But you people just flat out sucked. I don't like to call out my mates, and I know the whole "there's no 'I' in team" thingy, but you should all be ashamed to call yourself "fans." The picture above tells the story. The beloved Black & Gold falls at Jacksonville 9-Nil. No thanks to this fan-crew.

I said I wouldn't throw anyone under the bus, just because that's not my style. F*ck it. Under the bus they go...

• Nick. I didn't see 1 single wave of the Terrible Towel. Did you even bring your towel? Do you even own a towel? Lost it?? That's just downright embarrasing. Smack yourself.
• Brian. Noticed your Steeler hard hat was spending a lot of time on the table...NOT on your head. Oh, that's right. It gets a little sweaty. I forgot, sweet cakes. Do you think it gets sweaty after 60 minutes in full pads & helmet?!?! What do you think Casey Hampton's pits smell like after a full game in the trenches. I can't imagine it. But I bet it's pretty bad. To think that I actually thought you were a fan.
• LG. Do you think Willie Parker gets to take naps on the sidelines in between offensive possessions?!?! Oh, I understand. Work. School. Insert More Lame Ass Excuses Here. WAKE UP, MISSY!!! This ain't no rest home!!
• Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. I passed the torch. I delegated the responsibility of the "This play is EVERYTHING" call, and you fail. You fail miserably. Dan, 2nd & 2 at the 50 yard line 4 minutes into the game does NOT require a "This play is EVERYTHING" call. You overused it, and the beloved Steelers paid the price. Your "This play is EVERYTHING" privelages have now been revoked. "This play is EVERYTHING" is a privelage, Dan. It's not a right.
• Dave. You're a Redskins fan and you bake a cake. Ok. You & Laura get a pass.
• Carla. 5 Teriyaki wings? No blue cheese or ranch? C'mon. You're better than that.
• Tyler. You show up AFTER game. OK, I'm listening. I've got my ready-for-excuses headphones on.
• And finally. My sweet, dear Jessica. One time. ONE time I ask you to handle the DJ duties. It's halftime, and the Steelers are trailing. Time to rally the troops. And instead of hearing the "Steeler Polka," we get "Mamma Mia" by Abba. I'm not even sure I know who you are anymore!?!
  

Well, it was a nice while it lasted. The Last Steeler Fiesta of the Year brought us 4 straight W's, the biggest of course being Superbowl XL. I know Philly transplanted A.K. is at least happy now that he won't be receiving any more e-mails.

450 wings, 23 pizzas, 5 jars of peach-mango salsa, 18 bags of chips, 1 BIG hoagie (that's "sub" for you non-yensers), and countless tasty beverages later...the run is over. It was good times, and no animals were harmed. At least from what I remember. Oh...it also inspired a commercial (which I hope to have uploaded on here sometime in the near future...confid to Brian: make that happen) as well as a new drink that's sweeping the nation (or at least Dan's household).

Confid to Dan's madre: it's equal parts(1 shot) light rum & dark rum, triple sec, V8 tropical Blend splash with a splash of cranberry. Shake. Pour. Top of with Apricot Brandy. Garnish with 2 cherries & a goofy straw. Thus, you have the End of Summer Beginning of Fall Kick Ass (I'm forgetting something here) P.S. This Drink is EVERYTHING Drink.

Here's pictures of happier times, from the 2nd installment of the "Last Steeler Fiesta of the Year." The Beloved slapped around the Bronco in the 2006 AFC Championship, and this was D-2 immediately following:

Sonic Youth plays Mr. Smalls

Got to see Sonic Youth last night at Mr. Smalls, but unfortunately, we forgot our camera. Nothin more to offer here other than our strong recommendation to check these guys out at a venue near you. Being around for 20+ years, although they're showing no signs of slowing down, you just never know. My 4th time ever seeing them live, and I've never been disappointed. Thurston, Kim, Lee & crew still bring it.


Much of the setlist was pretty unfamiliar to me, since I'd yet heard more than a couple of tunes from the newly released Rather Ripped. And if the album sounds anything like it did live, I implore you to get yer sweet teets to the nearest record store. Sounds like there's more "Kim songs" on Ripped, perhaps to the distain of the "Kim song" bashers . I don't have a strong preference for either Kim's or Thurston's vocals, so the contrast of the two in different songs is rawkin pleasure to these ears. "Reena" and "Turquoise Boy" are a couple of Kim Gordon's tunes that I enjoyed. A groovy litte number that Thurston leads on called, "Incinerate" is up on Pitchfork available to stream (underneath their review of the record.) Give it a whirl. Don't cost nothing.

Mixed in with the 10 or so Rather Ripped tunes were a few old schoolers from 1988's Daydream Nation. "Candle" started off the set, shortly followed by "Eric's Trip," and then "Silver Rocket" was polished off for the last song of the 1st of 2 encores.

The first two SY albums I owned in the early 90's were Goo and shortly thereafter, Dirty. Yet the only tune heard from either of these was "100%," which always gets my head a bobbin. For the final song of the 2nd encore, we got a nice little treatie with 1982's Confusion is Sex's "Shaking Hell." That was nice.

Oh, and Mark Ibold, formerly of Pavement played bass along side Kim. That was cool.

Pavement sidenote: Matador is reissuing their 3rd record Wowee Zowee on November 7th, packed with extra goodies. Or at least that's what I'm told. Xmas IS right around the corner (hint, hint). Mark's the second from the left for you non-Pavement type turds:



As far as my personal Sonic Youth experience goes, I actually went backwards into the SY catalog with 1988 's Daydream Nation after acquiring Goo & Dirty in the early 90's. And 17+ years later, I personally feel it's the best of the bunch. But that's just my opinion. Here's a little tune I was hoping to hear live from that record, and still brings back fond memories of my early days listening to this legendary band. Appears they did play it a couple nights later in Allentown, PA. Have fun, and listen loud:

(left click to play, right click to download):
Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot

Football Fiesta

1 round trip flight. 36 Hours. 3 Drafts. Lots of Booze. Maybe 6 hours sleep. As I do every year the weekend before Labor Day, I fly to Chicago where I dominate 3 fantasy football leagues annually.

Whether it's the Bloated Stiffs in Joe Nardi's Windy City League, the Meat Helmets in Scott Wood Football, or Sweep the Leg Johnny in Sapfest...1 thing is for sure. My teams all rule. Yours all suck.

As far as the Meat Helmets go in the Scott Wood keeper league, partner Petey Parley & I are already loaded with a RB stable of Larry Johnson, Ronnie Brown, and Willis McGahee. Not to mention we've got the best WR on the board in Chad Johnson. We still couldn't pass up on the all-world talents of Reggie Bush in the 1st round for more RB depth. Scott Wood is as good as won. And the $$ I spent on this replica Bush jersey can be a tax write-off as I believe the proceeds go towards helping some kid whose living on a raft on Bourbon Street.

As sole owner of Sweep the Leg Johnny in Sapfest, I admit it looks like a rebuilding year. However, looking around at some of the ass clowns in this league, I'm crazy enough to think I can win this thing. Picks like this one (Dean, right), Team Meat Pants selecting Ron Dayne in the 1st round, give my Sweep squad a little bit more than a puncher's chance.

But rather than bore you with how stellar my 3 squads are, the hi-lite of the weekend had to be Don Frey's festivus for-the-rest-of-us, OPRF circa 1986-89ish reunion BASH. What a blast, despite the fact that I arrived a little late, and missed a few peeps who were obviously up past their bed time (read: Sterns, Rob Quinn).

Closing the party with JP, Franklin & Devlin, while Bucky bitched and others passed out (I won't mention any names, like Mike Black, Frey). Some things never change. F$#k, I miss you guys. Tim Petty spinning records. Jo Lo talking smack, reminiscing how I used to school him on the basketball court. DAMN, I can't believe I forgot my camera. Saw a bunch of old friends I haven't hung with in years...Travis, Judd, George, Eric. So frickin cool. A slew of good memories. Oh...and I buried a bunch of Italian beef down my face (move away from Chicago and see how much you miss that stuff). GREAT times!!!

Don...you get the Super Chiefy Chief of the Week prize. What a tremendous effort!! Now, if you can only pull this off every year. Hope you had help cleaning up. Thank you!!!!!

Great Minds Think Alike

Or something like that. Yes, t'is true. I'm a huge Fantasy Football dork.

John Clayton & I have merged minds, and will now guide the newly named, "Sweep the Leg Johnny" to glorious victory in the 2nd year of Sapfest. While it took a while to negotiate this complex merger, I think Mr. Clayton was finally sold on the new name for the franchise formerly known as "Gimme Back My Son!!!"



See, John somewhat loathes Mel Gibson, and I don't believe he's aware of William Zabka's legendary performance in 1984's The Karate Kid. Consequently, he's under the impression that "Sweep the Leg Johnny" is an ode to his namesake and skills in wrestling.

Without further adieu, here is your starting line-up for your 2006 Sweep the Leg Johnny (said in Sports Arena PA announcer dude voice):

QB - Brett Favre (Yes, this is a weakness. T'was a Clayton pick)
RB1 - Kevin Jones
RB2 - DeShaun Foster
RB3 - Laurence Maroney or Joseph Addai
WR1 - Chad Johnson
WR2 - Antonio Bryant
TE - Todd Heap
K - John Carney
DEF - Baltimore

Pines - Roethlisberger, Matt Jones, Rod Smith, Ben Watson, Eddie Kennison

OK. Pretty weak ass squad. But it's a KEEPER LEAGUE, dammit!! We're going with the youth movement, sans old fart Favre.

For the inaugrual season of Sapfest, many had questioned the original name of "Gimme Back my Son!!!" For those people who were confused, perhaps you weren't aware of one of the greatest scenes in modern cinema (more like the funniest) outta the smash hit Ransom. Well, here ya go. See...Mel doesn't like it when you hold his kid ransom. He's bound to go Mad Max on your ass...Beyond Thunderdome style.

HEADS UP: need sound, and don't blink. You may miss it. Hit the 'watch again' button repeatedly for a jolly good time:

Po Co Calls

"Po Co." That's what the local "in" crowd calls it. To you common folk, it may be known as Potter County.

Remember the movie The Deer Hunter? There's a scene when DeNiro and his pals are driving up north for a weekend of deer hunting the day after their best friend's wedding (hence, the title of the movie perhaps? see...I'm quick like that). At one point, they pull over and Fredo asks DeNiro if he can borrow a pair of socks. See, it gets cold up in Po Co. DeNiro then holds up a bullet and replies with the famous line:

"See this. This...this is this. This is This."

Not quite sure where good old Bob was going with that one. But, hey. It's frickin DeNiro for chrissakes. I guess he had a point. My point....

Ok, the point was...the scenery surrounding that scene. THAT'S beautiful Potter County, which rests on the north central border of Pennsylvania. Or at least that's what it looks like. The beautiful hills & mountain ranges. Just incredibly gorgeous country. God's country, I believe it's referred to. It's hard to believe you're still in PA. And I was SO there this weekend.

So, my Super Chiefy Chief thank you this week goes out to good pal Brian Tirpak, for inviting Jess & me to his family's humble establishment in beautiful Po Co this weekend. Usually, a simple campfire + beers = good times. Now sprinkle in some kabobs, throw in some smores, perhaps a pizza pie iron or two, add a few good peeps, and you have a recipe for a highly successful weekend.

As local legend has it, Potter County is also the site of the only known case of spontaneous combustion known to mankind. Yes...somebody caught on fire once upon a time. I think (?). Don't quote me on that. But I think that would probably suck. It would at the very least ruin the day.

Good times.

I Feel Shame

The Pittsburgh Steelers and Dan Rooney have announced that the Povertyneck Hillbillies have been declared the "Official Band of the Pittsburgh Steelers."

Worse yet, the youngest QB to ever win a Superbowl, "Big" Ben Roethlisberger...who Jess & I celebrated the day he was drafted...is part of a music video for these turds called, "Mr. Right Now."

I think I'm going to puke.

Don't want to offend anyone's musical preferences here, so I'll just leave it at that.

The Week that Sucked

My TV heard me talking about it. After 13+ glorious years together, my 35" Toshiba called it quits on me. Right at the conclusion of Wait Until Dark, moments before Alan Arkin is about to pounce all over Audrey Hepburn, Toshiba pulled its own plug. Perhaps it heard Jess & I discussing the purchase of a new flat screen for football season. Maybe it thought we were just using it to get through the lame month that is August. Or maybe Toshiba's just a quitter like its pal the VCR. I'd like to think that we had some quality years together, and leave it at that. No need in hurling insults at the end of a relationship.

Instead of getting a proper burial, Toshiba was simply rolled down the hill before being neatly placed next to this dumpster. For that, I feel bad. Toshiba...you will always be remembered for the good times. Superbowl XL. Countless episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The time you and your VCR partner teamed up and gave me The Big Lebowski for the 1st time. Da Ali G Show. That Fiesta Bowl a few years ago when Oregon St smacked the piss outta Notre Dame 41-9. So many memories.

Anyway, Toshiba is now being replaced by LG, a 42" flat screen, all primed & ready for some HD. However, the model we wanted is on back order and will take a week to deliver. Hence, the Week that Sucked. No tube for an entire WEEK! Thank God it's August.

If you have any fond memories of time you spent with Toshiba, please sign our guest book, and leave your comments here:

Bicklebies in the Burgh

Look how big this kid is.

My 8th Buco's game of the year, got to sit 1 row off the field (thanks to Kathleen!). As much as the Pirates stink, PNC Park never disappoints as far as the fun for the whole fam thing. True, most Pirate fans are pretty pathetic as far as their knowledge of baseball, but PNC is a gorgeous venue.

My only advice for those visiting from out of town, is to avoid at all costs any type of "Bobble Head" or "Fireworks" nights. These special events seem to bring out the yahoo yensers in droves...and there are way too many little kids. I've got zero problem with the kids at games. The problem is their parents, who are more interested in the extra curricular events. For chrissakes...quit doing the f**kin wave and PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME!!!!!!!! You may...just may...learn something about the game. For instance...you don't "boo" when you're down 3 runs in the bottom of the 9th, and the 3B coach isn't exactly aggressive with scoring that 1st run. If you would quit paying attention to the Pierogi race for just a minute, maybe you could explain to little Johnny that you don't get the 1st run thrown out at home when THAT RUN DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!! Jerks.

Ok...way too angry part of the post.

The game was a blast. Hard not to have fun with Bicks. Prior to the game, MLB batting leader Freddy Sanchez made his way to the kids (no...not us) to sign some autographs. We were so close to the field, I could've poked Freddy in the ear with a fungo.




It was all fun and games until Bicklebies got a little too rowdy at the end of the game, yelling at the little kids in our section, and throwing his empty beer bottles onto the field. It got so bad, at one point during the 7th inning stretch, the 3rd base umpire had to come over and calm him down. Security was cool, though. I told them he was from outta town and he was just getting used to the eastern standard time difference. In the 8th, Bicks was going to streak onto the field, but I convinced him not to. I was afraid that after our confrontation in the previous inning with security, that they would've figured we were in cahoots and I would've gotten kicked out, too. All was cool in the end, though. Someone from Pirate management actually came down to pay us a visit, and ended up shotgunning a couple beers with us. So it was all good.

If anyone from outta town ever has plans to see the Pirates play...let me rephrase that...see lovely PNC Park, I HIGHLY recommend staying at the Renaissance Hotel directly across the river (building directly above Santos' head, below):



Great accomodations, and a beautiful view:

'Cache' gets nod for Best Film of 2005

According to me, that is.

Seven months into 2006, I can finally complete my Top 10 Films of 2005 list. After watching Michael Haneke's 'Cache' twice in less than 24 hours, this French thriller goes to the top of the list...nudging down 'The Squid & the Whale' and Woody Allen's 'Match Point' to #2 & #3, respectively (see complete list below).

Now bear in mind, while I call this my "Top 10," I am by no means a film critic...nor do I pretend to be. So this "Top 10" should read more like a "My Personal 10 Favorite Films of '05" List. I know very little of what makes a "good" film. I'm sure some critics may find a few of these films to be "flawed" (that's a nice little critic term for "this is what sucks about this film"). I simply know what I enjoy.

I can't be that far off base with my assessment, however. Seeing that Cache won 14 awards at various film fests, including a Best Director for Michael Haneke at Cannes, it appears that this film is well admired.

Daniel Auteuil (Georges) & Juliette Binoche (Anne) play an educated, well-to-do couple (Georges is a TV show host), who raise their teenage son Pierrot in a somewhat ordinary apartment in an urban French neighborhood. A video tape arrives one day at their door. Much to their confusion, it's a surveillance tape of their home. Who and why, there is no idea. Slowly, Haneke builds the tension and more tapes arrive, as well as some crazy-ass child like drawings. As the suspense builds, more and more of Georges past is brought up. The police can't seem to help, because no real crime has been committed. Albeit, the terror of knowing someone is stalking them forces Georges to investigate matters on his own.

I don't want to spoil anything, so I'll stop. There is a SPOILER at the end of this (as noted in BIG RED letters), so PLEASE do not read the SPOILER ALERT if you plan on watching this. And if you know what's best for you...you will.

Both Auteuil & Binoche are terrific. Haneke's style seems almost too simplistic, but comes off as pure genious. There are no hokie, artsy-fartsy, camera moves. There's no corny score to set the mood of the scenes. As a matter of fact, I don't recall one ounce of music in the entire film. But at the same time, Haneke's script & direction draw you in to Georges & Anne's world of budding tension.


***** SPOILER ALERT****SPOILER ALERT*****SPOILER ALERT*****

Please only read if you've seen the ending. I wil purposely hide any comments reagrding the ending, but I'm just curious as to others' thoughts on the conclusion. I suspect that the majority of people will be on the outraged side with Jess on this one. Because there's no real closure to the film. You never find out "who dun it?"

I say, on the contrary, a big enthusiastic BRAVO to the conclusion. As a matter of fact, I think a finale in which the culprit is identified would take a way from the whole point of the film. While it is a thriller, filled with suspense from beginning to end, it's not a "good guy finds the bad guy" type of movie. It's not about "who dun it."

This film is about the nature of guilt. It's a psychological thriller surrounding Georges' history, rather than a story of revenge & mystery.

I've heard varying opinions on what people saw in the last long continuous shot in front of Pierrot's school. There is no instant gratification at the end, and that's the way Haneke wants it. It's not a film that could be made in Hollywood, because the typical American viewer wants its movie to fit a certain format:

Good guy meets bad guy. Motive. Crime. Crime solved. Viewer goes home happy.

This isn't one of those films. It may leave you confused. It may leave you feeling uncomfortable. I dunno. I'm nowhere near an expert. Just my take. I loved it.

****END OF SPOILER****END OF SPOILER****END OF SPOILER


Gary's Top 10 (or 10 Most Enjoyable if that sounds better) Films of 2005 List:

1. Cache (Haneke)
2. The Squid and the Whale (Baumbach)
3. Match Point (Allen)
4. Capote (Miller)
5. Junebug (Morrison)
6. Me & You & Everyone We Know (July)
7. Good Night & Good Luck (Clooney)
8. Last Days (Van Sant)
9. Brokeback Mountain (Lee)
10. Keane (Kerrigan)

Honorable Mention (read: got bumped as the year progressed):

A History of Violence, Mysterious Skin, Hustle & Flow, Munich

Not even close, bud:

Crash, Syriana, The Constant Gardner, Sin City, Walk the Line, The New World

Most disappointing:

Palindromes, Broken Flowers

Best performance nobody saw:

Damian Lewis - Keane

Best foreign which didn't make the original Top 10 list:

2046

I Really Thought This Would Suck, But Surprisingly Liked It Award:

Cinderella Man

Best, I mean Favorite Doc:

Murderball

Gary Soccer Boy

So I got into this $10 pool for the 2006 World Cup, which I'd deferred my picks to good pal & long time soccer chap, Jim Joll. My only other experience with soccer (or "footie" as I've now heard it called...great term, kudos Ned), was watching the 2002 WC Final, with a few friends at 5:00am one lovely Sunday morning in Chicago. I think it helped matters that we'd gotten shatty and stayed up all night for this festiv occation (it couldn't hurt, right?).

Anyway, it never hurts to have a financial interest on a sporting event to spark some interest. So with pool in hand, I'd decided to give the 2006 World Cup my full attention. Keep in mind that previously I'd been one of those adimant "soccer sucks" type of people.

So I made it through the entire WC, and now I'm soccer crazed. Watched the U.S. take on Italy at a jam packed small bar, appropriately named Small Bar (try the cheese curds!), in Wicker Park at 8:30am one Thursday morning. Found myself at another bar in Pittsburgh watching my Italians beat France in the final game, fist pumping after every Italian PK goal in the shootout.

The passion & heart of soccer fans is incredibly infectious. The athleticism of the players is world class. As a matter of fact, if someone were to tell me these are the greatest athletes in the world, I'd have a difficult time arguing against it. The combination of endurance and skill is unparallel. And there's something refreshing about the goal celebrations. As a good friend of mine said:

"American football is more like 'F*ck You!', while soccer is more like 'F*ck Yeah!'"

I like it.

Speaking of that beautiful day in Chicago, we tried to wake up Pete to enjoy the action and atmosphere at Small Bar, but I don't think he was up for it:



Oh...as far that pool goes. I think I finished at the bottom. Although they weren't my picks.

BTW...Whoever got a kick out of the Zidane head butt of Marco Materazzi in the Championship game (I know this guy did), try the "Zidane Head Butt Game" below courtesy of http://www.addictinggames.com/. It's fun for the whole family here at Empties Crushed. Use your mouse to move Zidane around the field, and headbutt the Materazzi's by left clicking. Beat my high score of 2060 and win a special prize.

Thome's Homies

How closely acquainted does one need to be to be considered an official "homey" (I'll assume this is the singular spelling...I'm not conferring with Jess on this one)? Must you break bread with your homies? OK, perhaps I don't qualify as an official "Thome Homey." But I have personally met JT (see...that's what his close pals call him) on 2 occasions in the past, ah...8 years. So perhaps I'm a quasi-homey, which is good enough for me. But on this day, for a period of about 15 seconds while this picture was taken, that's what we were. Three big bloated stiffs & AL MVP candidate, Jim Thome.

Looking at this picture, and if you didn't know, it may be difficult to pick out Thome's actual homey of the bunch. It's Chris, of course. The guy who's getting buried by Jimmy's lean-in move (note: our actual homey, Jimmy W., who I have broke bread with on many occasions). Since it was "get away day," Thome had to catch a plane back to Chicago so the Sox could pound on the crosstown minor league Cubies the next day. So this, unfortunately, was our only shot for this photo. Sorry, Chris.

To the game of the ages:

With the Sox going into the final game of the series, being in a NL ball park (minus the DH for you baseball dummies) and facing LHP Zach Duke, we knew Jim would be riding the pines to start the game. Our only hope for an AB would be to see a late inning PH appearance. 8th inning, chasing the Pirate's 6-4, with fossil Roberto Hernandez on the hill in relief, Thome came out on deck to PH for Brian Anderson. But after Jose Uribe lead of the inning with a ground out, Ozzie Guillen pulled back Jim, and instead sent former Buco Rob Mackowiak to the dish instead. See...some of yens may think Ozzie's a little insensitive to the whole gay thing...but he knows his frickin baseball. Chasing 2 runs, he wanted Thome up with a chance to tie it. So Mackowiak pinch hits for Anderson, and promptly delivers in a big mo-fo way.

Next up, with a man on first, MLB's HR leader (at that time, at least), Jim Thome. First pitch...GONE. Literally. One hop into the Allegheny River. Easily the biggest ball I have ever witnessed live. (Sorry, no vid. The AB was over before I could even get the cam outta my pocket. DAMN!)

In the 9th, however, all of the White Sox hopes and dreams came crashing down (OK..."hopes and dreams" is probably a little dramatic for a game in June). Freddy Sanchez delivers the walk-off HR, beating the Sox 7-6, snapping a 13 GAME LOSING STREAK for the Bucs. And the crowd went silly:



OK...I feel a little shame seeing that Jim gave us the tickets. I wasn't exactly cheering for the Bucos, but it was an exciting ending. Let the record show, however...I went even more berzerker the inning prior after Thome hit his river bomb.

All jokes aside, Thome is one of the nicest of people you could wish to meet (and I'm not just saying that cause he signed a ball for my little bro that day). The term "good guy" probably gets thrown around too much by some media types, and perhaps sometimes it's BS. Not with Jim...he's as down-to-earth cool as they come. He's just one of those athletes anyone can root for...someone who doesn't seem to forget his friends. Which may explain why he hangs out with Clarke. OK, Chris...just kidding (I still need that picture autographed, please).

Good times for a nice little Thursday afternoon in the Burgh. Tapas & cosmopolitans at Bossa Nova, followed by Jager Bombs at the Walnut Grill in Shadyside. And NOTHING says manly manly man more like a cosmo at happy hour in Pittsburgh.