Pens Beat Down Dirtbag Flyers, Win Atlantic

The scumbags from Philadelphia never cease to amaze me. Earlier in the year, it was lowlife Steve Downie. Downie must've been looking for a new blouse last night, because he was nowhere to be found on the ice. Last night was the Scott Hartnell circus.

Seeing the Flyers haven't won a Cup in over 30 years, it's pretty clear they just don't get it. Brutish, cheap, dirty play sans talent is not a winning formula. If the goal is to make yourself look ridiculous, they've got it nailed. But as far as winning anything, they'll always be irrelevant in the grand scheme. If you missed any of the festivities last night, here's the breakdown...

1st period - 2:22 -
Punching bag Riley Cote decides to embark on his only purpose as a "player" and play tough guy. Big Georges punches Cote's helmet off, pounds his face a few times, and when Cote decides the spin technique isn't working and he's had enough, he pulls Laraque down to the ice so the linesmen can rescue him. Nothing new there.

9:59 -

Jeff Carter takes a cheapish run at Fleury, goes to the box for roughing, Gonchar ties the game 25 seconds later 1's.

Minutes later -

Scott Hartnell, shield wearing female, takes a run at Crosby after the play...cross checks him in the head. A scrum in front of Biron takes place, minus Hartnell who skates away sheepishly.

*editorial note - if you're gonna be an agitator (i.e. an Avery or a Ruutu), lose the shield...or don a skirt.

13:13 -

Scumbags go up 2-1. Mike Lupul, girl, gets ass kicked by Orpik after celebrating in front of Fleury.

14:06 -

Cheap shots continue, this time from Lasse Kukkonen. Kukkonen crosschecks Sid. Crosby pushes him around a little, and they both go to the box for roughing.

2nd Period -
2:26 -

impersonation (your wife sucks p***y!), comes storming outta control to take a run at Sally Hartnell gets smashed by Gonchar at one end of the ice. Hartnell does her best HanrahanGonch, and ends up with a bloody face from the butt end of Gonch's stick. No penalties are called. Everyone in Mellon Arena laughs at Hartnell, except for Flyer coach (for at least 2 more games) John Stevens, who is seen crying on the bench.

6:07 -

Hartnell, still out of control and taking the Flyers playoff hopes into her own hands, takes a 2 minute charging penalty after Braydon Coburn was already whistled for holding. Thanks for the 5 on 3, dick. 19 seconds later, Sid scores and ties it at 2.

8:28 -
Hartnell, after pouting in the box for 2 minutes, takes a run at Orpik. While Brooks is laying on the ice, Hartnell takes her stick and tries to rake Orpik across the face. After Orpik gets up, Hartnell takes another cheap shot at him while skating away. The refs blow it and call matching minors for some crazy reason.

14:33 -
After another Flyer penalty, talent again wins out. This time it's Geno Malkin on the PP, getting his 47th on the season. 3-2 Pens.

15:08 -
Danny Briere shows he's capable of learning the Flyer way, and gets sent off for roughing after cross checking Malone in the head. Jarkko Ruutu gets a matching minor for being Jarkko Ruutu.

3rd Period -
more of the same...no talented Flyers continue to play the only way they know how, and give up another PP goal at 18:26 to seal the deal. Sidney Crosby gets the #1 Star with 2 goals and 3 points on the night. Familiar story to Flyer fans.

Pens clinch the Atlantic Division and the #2 Seed in the East. The magic number for the Eastern Conference is now 2. LET'S GO BUFFALO.