The Cribs

 In the Belly of the Brazen Bull out NOW. thanks to Jables for the fwd!!

 

MELTDOWN: we are assholes

It took 30 plus years, but the roles have finally been reversed.  The Pittsburgh Penguins are now the collective asshole of the hockey universe.  We are now the punchline of the joke.  Maybe that was the Flyers plan all along?  Be total douchebags for 4 decades until the Penguins snap and embarrass themselves in the same manner.  It's worked, if that's the case.  We suck.  Flyers are better. No doubting it after what we've seen.  Now they can all just sit back and laugh at us while we lose our marbles.  The joke is on us.

The Pens are now the ones getting outplayed, outcoached, outeverythinged.  Hands down.  We are now the jag offs who have resorted to goonery in lieu of skill.  We are now the Charlestown Chiefs.

But maybe that's overboard.  Maybe that's too convenient.  The Penguins are definitely not innocent.  Maybe the answer lies somewhere in between.  It's an emotional game and emotional times.   Instead of painting all of the thuggery from Sunday with broad (street) strokes, let's look at each of the hot topic players and dissect a bit...

Kris Letang
I'm a huge Tanger supporter.  Love that dude.  Love my #58 black sweater.  But the lack of composure he exhibits on a nightly basis resembles a 6 year old who gets his Legos taken away from him.  On the very top of Peter Laviolette's game plan, I'm willing to bet is a line: "get under Letang's skin." 

It's worked all year for Philly.  It's been proven his presence is essential to the Penguins success (even more so than 87's, numbers would suggest), so why not get him off his game?  I still want to think a Norris Trophy is in his future.  But until he gets his emotions under control, he'll forever be an also ran.  Great talent, fragile psyche.  I love the edge to his game...but it's getting to that point of over the edge.

The fight with Timonen was stupid and selfish.  With Crosby and Giroux already fighting, it was an automatic game misconduct.  Letang claims he thought they were just locked up, and his was the 1st fight, whatev.  But when you're that important to the team, why take a chance?  Sure, it was fun seeing Timonen getting rag dolled and smacked around.  But not to the point where I wanted Letang taken off the ice in the FIRST PERIOD!  Also consider the fact you've got a history of concussions (although I guess Kimmo doesn't present much danger).

And then the most embarrassing moment of the game:

taken from Pensblog

I can't think of a moment as a Pens fan where I've cringed harder.  Maybe when Matt Cooke elbowed that Ranger dude last year.

Sidney Crosby
He pushed away Voracek's glove?!  The audacity!! Can't believe he'd stoop so low.

Big fucking deal. Yeah...it was a prick move.  I loved it. It's hilarious, actually.  It's not like he spit on someone's kid.  Not like he took out someone's teeth with a high stick, Derian Hatcher.

He whacked at Bryzgalov's glove covering a puck?!  Nobody ever does that.  Brutal.

He states that he doesn't like a single Flyer?!  Guess he should've been more politically correct and calculated with his statements. 

Sounds like good captains just sit back, bend over, and take it.  Gimme a fucking break.  Because of his health concerns, I didn't want Sid fighting...even against a lame opponent like Giroux.  But at least I understand it.  Everyone in the hockey universe praised Max Talbot 4 years ago for stirring the pot against Dan Carcillo.  So to take Crosby to task for doing the same thing is moronic and hypocritical.

The manufactured hate of Sidney Crosby in Philly is a joke born from jealousy and a lack of creativeness.  Pure and simple.  Paul Holmgren would trade Giroux plus whatever 2 players Shero wanted to get Sid in a Flyer sweater.  And every single fan from Flyer Nation would bow in reverence and smooch his skate laces.

Crosby's not an angel, and I can't remember the last time he or his fans claimed he was.  He's as competitive as they come.  The greats usually are.  With competitiveness comes emotions...like them or not.

Arron Asham
Just because Pierre McGuire has his lips pressed tightly against Brayden Schenn's sphincter like the caboose of a Human Centipede (which would make an awesome photoshop for those so inclined), doesn't mean Schenn is the innocent victim in all of this.  Instead of listening to Dildo, mute and watch Schenn take a run from the blue line, line up Paul Martin, and try to take him out.  "Clean play" my fucking ass.  He caught an unsuspecting player with his head down, and tried to freight train him...leaving his feet in the process.  You might not have heard it with all the gushing between the benches, but the referee actually got it right.  It was clear cut charge, and Schenn was penalized for it.

McGuire further stated Asham cross checked him in the adam's apple.  Schenn apparently is deformed, being born with his adam's apple on his chest.

Did Arron Asham cross the line?  Absolutely.  Got his stick too high on the retaliation, and the punch to the back of the turtle's head was too much.  A suspension was deserved.  Based on the other decisions from Sheriff Shanny this post season, it was too harsh (punching someone in the back of the head is NOT suspension worthy according to previous decisions, Shea Weber).  But some action and discipline was warranted.  In the video explanation, Shanahan should've referenced "gutless goon", which would've been a better bullet point.

It's just another hypocrisy of the NHL.  Asham is a 4th line nobody.  Niklas Backstrom is a star player, so he gets only 1 game for the exact same action (except Backstrom's was post-whistle).  If Chris Pronger had done what Asham did, McGuire and NBC would be praising Pronger for his leadership and coming to the aid of a teammate.  After all...that's what it was.  Overboard, yes.  But if Schenn doesn't want Asham in his face, he should think twice about running players.  He's already proven he's at his best when players have their backs to him.  Schenn's a dirtbag.  Fuck him.

Important to note, which Shanny references in his video: Arron Asham has NEVER been suspended before.  He has a CLEAN history.  He also references Backstrom's clean history when saying he only gets 1 game.  So one can assume Asham gets the extra 3 games because that's what Shea Weber should've gotten...but he didn't. Complete fucking joke.

I can hear Colin Campbell sputtering and slobbering in past years: "Uggrgh, you never urghhr played HOCKEY!  What'd you urrghurr know?  I rrrghuerugh played HOCKEY."

James Neal
Stupid play by Neal.  Dumb and immature.  I'm willing to buy the first killing of Couturier.  And from hearing the video, it sounds like Shanahan would, too.  Puck was turned over, and Neal went from D to O.  He evades Malkin to enter the zone, and the murder victim was in his path.  OK.  But then Neal jumps into Couturier, saying he was bracing himself.  Convenient excuse most likely.



The above is more accepting if he doesn't charge Giroux 20 seconds later.  The embellishment from Giroux not withstanding (Flyers fans would laugh hysterically if Crosby danced around like that after a hit), Neal was clearly trying to inflict damage when he raised the hands.  I didn't know it, but Neal has been suspended once before (3 years ago on the Stars), so the suspension is worthy.


Craig Adams
Pulling on Scott Hartnell's hair?  Really?  This coming from a clown like Hartnell with a biting history.  Guess it's not customary to grab your opponent by the shoulders, jersey, whatever during a fight.  How could you avoid grabbing a lock of hair?  He did...he let go.  Happens.  I like what the Harvard man said:

"I don't think he has a huge problem with it, if he does he should maybe get a haircut."

Hartnell hammed it up like he always does.  Got a rise outta everyone wearing pumpkin.  Bravo.

The suspension was automatic.  NHL rules state that if you're caught instigating a fight in the final 5 minutes, and you're not a star player, an automatic 1 game suspension is due.

LET'S GO PENS!!!!! ASSHOLES!!!!!

Backstrom + Weber = Asham. The NHL Formula

Niklas Backstrom crossed checked Rich Peverley after the whistle last night...



Since Backstrom is a star player, so I doubt he will get suspended. Shea Weber punches Henrick Zetterturd in the back of the head, and tries to slam his head off the glass...

 

Weber is a star player, hence no suspension. Adding the two above gives you what Arron Asham does Sunday...




I'm trying to use logic to predict what the NHL will do. That's where I went wrong.

Hulk Hogan Whores Himself

The original Hulk Hogan scoreboard thingy, shown at Consol Energy Center after Evgeni Malkin goals...

 

Sounds like Philadelphia upped the anti. On top of the 50 lbs in hamburger meat that the Pittsburgh Penguins offered him, the Flyers organization provided the Hulkster with a 1 year unlimited supply of Coppertone SPORT to do their video from Sunday...

 
Too bad Hulk's wife and her teenage boyfriend are getting 25 lbs of that meat.

Note: fail on the shirt rip.

Independent Grindhouse 4

THIS SATURDAY at the Hollywood Theatre in Dormont. Sponsored by Bastards of Horror and Horror Realm. A couple of shorts start the night at 10pm: Deviling (short film by Michael Sharpe) Chick’N-Head (short film by Robert Elkins) Followed by the feature film of the night: Revenge Is Her Middle Name...

 

$5 cheap. Certain people need to live closer :)

I don't like getting slapped around

Kinda felt like Van Stretch after Games 1 & 2. I wanna be the Dennis Peck in Game 3.


LET'S GO PENS!!!!!!

Piss Off Judi Dench (at least Liverpool wins)

The fine lads at FSC made it way too easy today against our crosstown rivals...

Andy Carroll, player?!?

Hartnell and I agree: Consol Energy Center Sucks

 Not a fan of Hartnell. Clearly, he can douche it up with the best of 'em...not to mention he wears the pumpkin suit. But I can't say I disagree with a single thing he says here...

Thanks to Tirpak for the fwd

Why would anyone be afraid to play at the CEC?? It's the tamest of crowds in the NHL. Sure...our fans go CRAZY when we score a goal or when the "GET LOUD, MAKE NOISE" video is played. But other than that, the majority of people attending the new luxury lapped building are LAME as PISS.

Been talking about this all year, and I was hoping things might rev up for the playoffs.  Dead wrong.  The crowd on hand for Game 1 was a FUCKING JOKE.  EMBARRASSING.

GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HANDS, PUT DOWN THE CELL PHONES, TELL YOUR KIDS TO QUIT MAKING THE CUTE LITTLE SIGNS...AND CHEER YOUR FUCKING ASSES OFF!!!!!

LITTLE BILLY CAN WAIT UNTIL THE PERIOD IS OVER BEFORE YOU FETCH HIS FUCKING COTTON CANDY!!  IT'S SIMPLE, REALLY.

I am so incredibly tired of hearing Paul Steigerwald tell me how loud it is: "The Consol is ROCKING!!!"  Yep...most NHL arenas are rocking after a goal is scored.  How about "ROCKING" when the Pens need a momentum shift, or when we need a big PK?!?  (i.e. Wednesday night).

Is it OK to stand?!  I think so.  Who cares if Old Man Willy behind you gets his panties in a bunch.  Tell him to piss off.  Then maybe less of those "sit down!" turds will attend the game.  It's time to build a NEW CULTURE at CEC.  Make it uncomfortable for the lame brains.  That's why there were less of them at the Igloo.  It was too damn uncomfortable for them. 

How about this? Instead of bringing the crayons and placards so your kids can make the cute little signs that get them on tv....TEACH THEM WHAT FUCKING ICING IS!  These are the same kids who get spit on in Philadelphia (note: NOT advocating spitting on anyone).

This is not an opinion on the state of Pens fans. It's an opinion on the state of the TYPE of "FANS" WHO ATTEND GAMES...at least a majority of them. The "fans" at these games are NOT the diehard hockey fans.  They're the thing-to-doers.  They're the old fossils who tell people "SIT DOWN!!" any time someone gets excited.

Not sure who to blame here, if you can blame anyone. It's just the state of today. I sell a lot of my tickets just like the rest of the season ticket holders. If I could afford it, I'd go to all 41 games. I can't. Obviously, the success of the Penguins has been its own worst enemy in this regard, driving up the market for tix.

But it doesn't mean we can't do anything about it.  You don't have to be vulgar, violent, or curse.  But you can make it less comfy and cozy for the non-fans...

Poke fun at the people leaving their seat early.  Ask them to call you with a traffic report.

Stand and cheer when you see a great play.  The others who appreciate good hockey will stand with you.  The stooges sitting on their hands may give you a dirty look, but who cares.  Maybe they'll give up their seats for future games.

Educate yourself.  Don't be satisfied with just knowing the home team.  God knows that's all we get watching at home watching ROOT Sports.  The home team is jammed down your throat to the point where we can't even see the entire game on TV.  Pick up your program and KNOW YOUR ENEMY.

Continuing education.  For those who have mastered the other team's roster, move on to knowing your refs.  Your program will also list the NHL's referees by #'s.  Learn them.  Get on them when they make a shitty call.  Be the John Tortarella of your section.  Caveat: pick your spots.  Don't whine over every call...that defeats the purpose and make you look like a jerk.

Be your section's leader.  I know it's tough.  You're sitting there with a bunch of lame farts, and you're scared to stand out.  But trust me...others want to get involved.  They just need someone to show them the way.  Again...no cursing.  Be intelligent with your banter.  Don't go overboard with the whining. If needed, grab a brew or 5 to get the juices flowing (Just don't be the drunk dude...watch that fine line).

STAY UNTIL THE END OF THE GAME.  You people don't know what traffic is. Try living in New York, LA, or Chicago.  Your life isn't all that posh that you need to be anywhere 10 minutes sooner.

The Whiteout Blows, I agree.  But as long as that's the deal...join the team, and go along for the ride.

Until the crowds at the CEC improve, the whole notion that we're "The Greatest Fans in the World" is complete bunk.

ps: Go Paul Martin!!!

Happy Friday the 13th

LET'S GO PENS!!!

won't lie...pretty stunned

First off, if you're not going to give the hated Flyers some credit after this game...you're delusional.  Flyers rolled 4 lines all game, kept coming in waves, and kept exposing our defensive liabilities.  Can't put my finger on WTF is wrong with Michalek and Martin, but they're not the same players they were a year ago.  They look timid and clueless at times.  Tough to have $9m in cap space swallowed up by timid and clueless.  Disco knows WAY more hockey than I'll ever know...but something needs to get fixed, ASAP.  The Flyers have proven they won't stop coming.    

"Paul Martin turned in the worst performance by a man at his job since that Italian boat captain."
~ Pensblog

Heard some analysts prior to the series say that the Flyers are a deeper team than the Pens.  You may not wanna believe that...but it's true.  Our 4th line of Vitale, Adams, and Asham apparently stayed in the locker room for the 3rd period.  Maybe Asham got hurt...I'm not sure.  But the Flyers appear way more comfy playing their entire roster than we do.  Same goes for our 3rd d-line pairing.  Lovejoy and Engelland a mere 20 minutes of TOI between the two of them.  Maybe this was to protect Lovejoy in his first game back from injury...who knows?

I'd complain about the 3 feet offsides non-call on Briere's first goal, but Craig Berube might call me a whiner.

It was probably Fleury's fault.

Crowd at Consol was a little better than in the regular season, but it's still pathetic.  You wouldn't know that by listening to the ROOT broadcast.  Any time the Pens score, or the scoreboard plays that "GET LOUD" graphic, the crowd goes nuts.  Bravo.  In between that, they just sit on their hands, waiting for the next goal...at least until there's a couple minutes left in the period when they leave their seats.  It's embarrassing.  So tired of the "Greatest Fans Ever" mantra from Steigy.  For the most part, the majority of our fans attending these games suck.  "Majority," being the key word here. No offense to the friends and crazies that go...I know there's a few of yinz out there.  We need more of them.

The requested "Whiteout" might have been the biggest failure of the night. Get rid of it already.  It's dumb, outdated, and unoriginal.

Oh...Power Play blows once again.

The good:

Jagr sucks.  SO SLOOOOOOOOOW.  Pathetic effort back checking on the TK goal.  So glad we didn't sign that turd.

Fleury was huge at times.  Made some patented highlight reel saves when the Flyers starting coming on. Unfortunately, he couldn't completely bail us out.

 Bryz looks ordinary and beatable.  Clearly, the bears in attendance scared him.  More than 5 SOGs in the 3rd period woulda been nice.

Only 1 game.  I'd be stunned if the Pens don't put out for the full 60 minutes Friday night.  And I think we'll play better on the road sans the "Greatest Fans Ever."

New Guided by Voices 7" released today...

March of the Pens

for any lover of hockey whose getting all jackt up for the playoffs and has 20 minutes to spare.  also helps to be a Pens fan...



Currently consuming mass quantities of raw meat and black & gold Kool-Aid.

LET'S GO PENS!!!!!!!! DO IT.

Humanoids From the Deep

 
Been on a bit of a Roger Corman kick lately...although most of those have been from the Filipino exploitation genre. This one wasn't filmed in the Philippines, but it still smells of Corman. Legend has it that after he saw the first cut, he told director Barbara Peeters to add more sex to it. She refused, and Corman hired another director to finish the film. Fun watching it and trying to figure out what scenes were added in...

 

new Japandroids 7"

Love our Japandroids!

"The House that Heaven Built."  FCKYA!  Click HERE for a listen.  The 4th in the Japandroids 7" series.  The first 3 sold out...only 2000 copies.  And like the first 3, the B-side is a cover, this time of Nick Cave's "Jack the Ripper."

Pre-order now on Polyvinyl.  While it doesn't ship until May 25th, they're swell enough to send you the download immediately. Japandroids is also releasing a new LP titled Celebration Rock.  If you pre-order it along with the 7" you may get one of the first 1000 in red vinyl. Sweet.

Thanks to Jables for the heads up!

That'll teach him!!

Hit our players, and YOU WILL PAY!! I think that was the message the Flyers were trying to send.

Nothing better than a guy defending himself for a clean hit, only to see the "defender" kick some bootie. Not sure how much you can call this "defending yourself", as Joe Vitale answers the bell with Harry Zolnerblah...



96% win for Joe, per hockeyfights.com. 2.5% of the votes, probably Zolnerblah's family and Jack Edwards, scored it a win for Zolnerblah.

Pretty meaningless and uneventful game after that. As is the norm around EC, our predictions yesterday came in completely wrong.  Shelley and MacIntyre never squared off.  There was some yapping, but nothing more.  Both of these players will now retreat into hibernation for the rest of the season, as meaningful hockey will be played the next 2 months.

Other notes:

GENO (whining superstar) gets 50!!!  One of only 6 Russian players to achieve that.  Bravo Geno!!  He also notches the 14th Pittsburgh Penguin Art Ross Trophy in 24 years.  Mario = 6, Douchebag Jagr = 5, Malkin = 2, Sid = 1.  We are seriously blessed around here.  Don't forget that.  Geno will also surely get the Hart.

Midway thru the 2nd, Disco Dan replaced MAF with a couple of 2 x 4's in net.  The result was not good, as the 2 x 4's immediately relinquished the 2-1 lead, and took away any chance of Fleury getting his record setting win.  God help us if Fleury goes down in the playoffs, because I do not wanna see 2x4's back in goal at any time.

It sounds as though everyone came thru this game healthy, which was the major achievement.  Also sounds like we'll have our entire lineup ready by Game 1, sans Ben Lovejoy.

First win ever by the Pens versus Philly in CEC.  Not sure if that was monkey or not...maybe a rat...but glad to have it off our backs anyway.

LET'S GO PENS!!  Do it.

Tale of the Tape: There Will Be Blood

Appears Jody Shelley, the Flyers resident goon is dressing today. The Pens have recalled Steve MacIntyre from W-B/S. A look at hockeyfights.com shows that these two have never squared off. I'm betting the mortgage they do today...early. Then I'm suspecting that will be the last of shenanigans. Unless of course, Zac Rinaldo starts getting all bratty. That wouldn't be bad...Arron Asham or Deryk Engelland wil hand him his ass.

Jody Shelley has 6 fights to his credit this year. He's pretty irrelevant as a hockey player, except for these 6 brawls. He's 6-3, 228, and 32 years of age. He beat up Mike Rupp a few nights ago...



Remember when Deryk Engelland beat Shelley to a pulp? This and the Colton Orr fight put Engo on the map. Now no one messes with him.



Also, Engelland is a legit top 6 d-man in the league, so no reason for him to goon it up anymore. Let MacIntyre take care of Shelley.

Steve MacIntyre is also pretty irrelevant. He's had 3 fights all year...all at the AHL level. Big Mac tips the scales at 265 and stands 6-6. That's a big dude. He's 31.   In November, he almost murdered this dude Eric Neilson...



Anyways...if you want to see the big showdown, make sure you see the opening faceoff. I suspect the first time these two meet each other, they're going at it. Then, as I said, I bet that's it. But you never know with the pumpkin suits on the other side.

Speaking of goons...NOW PLAYING...