...randomness surrounding Guided by Voices, Robert Pollard, and other great indie rock bands; a quasi objective look at "my" sporting teams; the random horror film; plus other crap as we see fit...all with a Pittsburgh based feel.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Avery Expected to Make Full Recovery

Uh, yeah. Those sappy sentiments from the previous post. Forget all that. Sean Avery is still a Jag-Off.

Sounds like the initial reports that said he was "unconscious" and "not breathing" were rather false. According to the National Post, Avery supposedly walked himself into the hospital. And while he won't play the rest of the year, he's expected to make a full recovery from a lacerated spleen.

Can't believe I fell for that one.

Best Wishes Sean Avery

Seriously. As much as we don't like the guy on the ice, I'd take back all derogatory comments in exchange for a speedy recovery.

Reports are out that Avery was rushed to a Manhattan hospital @ 3:00am last night, not-breathing and unconscious. Conflicting reports say it's either cardiac arrest or a lacerated spleen. He is supposedly on a respirator. Puts things into perspective a bit.

Get well, Sean.

Here's some of the reports...

NY Daily News

Globe and Mail.com

We're All Going Streaking (Everyone's Doing It)

Ok...enough of this ripping on the Rangers and their whiny fans. It's no longer fun when they fold up the tents, and walk away with their tail between their legs (golf bags in hand). On to the fun...

Remember Nathan Smith? A call-up from Wilkes-Barre this year who appeared in a handful of games with the big Pens. Appears he did his best Ned Braden impersonation, and decided to run naked into the streets of downtown Scranton early Sunday. Smith was arrested for "public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open lewdness, and indecent exposure." I gotta party with that guy.

BGL goes top shelf on Henry, lays one on Dan Potash...

These are the good times.

Ok...one last jab at the Rags...

The Rangers Power Play % last night...in my best Dean Wormer voice...

Zero Point Zero

What's the Headline today New York?

Rangers Getting Swept, Down 3-0
Fans miffed as to why

Must be the Refs fault?
Or is it Roger Clemens' fault?
Can't be that we try to buy players and suck...no...management's fault?
Wait...that's the Yankees, which must mean it's Torre's fault...
Must be Steinbrenner's fault?
Mindy McCready's fault?
Jeter's fault...no...I meant A-Rod's fault?
It's the salary cap's fault?
Billy Crystal's fault?
Babe Ruth's fault?
Isaiah Thomas, or Larry Brown's fault?
MSG, that piece of crap building's fault?

It could be Sean Avery's fault?
Na...more like Jagr's fault. Shanahan's fault? Drury's fault? No...those all sound too much like "our fault."

It's the Islanders' fault. Or better...Rick DiPietro and his 15 year contract's fault?
Marty Brodeur's fault?
Willie Randolph?
Jose Reyes?
Mookie Wilson?
Bill Buckner? Wait. no. he...helped us....back to....

Maybe it's Colton Orr's fault? Does he have a pussy? Does Tom Renney have a pussy? Do they both have pussies? Maybe Avery wish he had a pussy?

Actually...when you really boil it down, it's the media's fault - the local media, the national media, the regional media, the global media, the universal-outer-space (not including Pluto) media - the NHL's Fault - Gary Bettman's fault - NBC's fault - Vs's fault - ESPN's fault - Barry Melrose's fault - TSN's fault - Don Cherry's fault. All of Canada's fault? The Northwest Territories' fault? The rest of the "Original 6's" fault? The Winnipeg Jets', the Quebec Nordiques', the Hartford Whalers', and Brass Bonanza's fault?

What about that dude driving the Zamboni? Did you notice the dude doing the ice in the 2nd intermission was different than the dude during the 1st intermission? I think he buried a Bruins jersey under the ice while he went around the first corner.

The organ player's fault? Maybe the Penguins trainer messed with the game pucks in-between periods? You know...replaced good pucks with bad pucks that gave the Pens an unfair advantage?

There must be a reason we're getting our man-boobs handed to us on on a platter. And it can't possibly be that we're simply inferior opponents. Are we suppose to accept the fact that we're losers? That's just not reasonable, people!! When one of you fellow Ranger fans figures it out, and finds a good excuse, give us a shout. Until then...this is (insert dumb ass New York sports journalist here), signing off...

Go Rangers. Long live Woody Allen.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Joe Starkey on Coward Avery

Cowardly Avery tried to take out Crosby

Best part without reading: Pierre McGuire overheard Hal Gill tell Avery at the end of the game: "You just weren't hugged enough as a child. That's why you've got issues."

All this playoff hockey stuff is getting me PUMPT!! This was me this morning after reading Starkey's column:

Old Time Hockey

Gotta love seeing influx of young talent in the NHL playoffs...Sid, Ovechkin, Gino, Phaneuf, Getzlaf, etc, etc.

But it's still nice to see a bunch of the old faces in the crowd: Roenick, Modano, Shanahan, Federov, Jagr, Sakic, etc, etc.

That said, Gary Roberts would kill all of you.

note to Pens fans: Roberts is scratched again for Game 4. Rumor has it he's still hiding out in the rice patties searching for Charlie. In honor of Scary Gary...

Monday, April 28, 2008

Round 2 - Over

Again, as fans, we can get ahead of ourselves. Jags, attention whore Avery, and the rest of the Rangers are d.u.n. Thanks for coming. Pack the golf clubs.

So the latest whining topic out of New York is that Crosby dives. Boy...that just really irks me. Didn't Tom Renney and the rest of the Blueshirt babies get the memo? Don't poke the bear. You get Sir Sid mad, and he'll just reign on you even more. Now kneel down and bow.

This is absolutely hilarious...can't believe I'd never seen it before. THIS...is a dive...

thanks to PuckMonkeyHockey for that.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

With the 23rd Pick...

of the 1st Round of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Pittsburgh Steelers select...

from the arcade game Donkey Kong....

Donkey Kong

Mel Kiper likes the pick, and pointed out that Donkey Kong had a great workout at the combine, lifting 35 barrels in 60 seconds. His one down side is he's susceptible to quick smaller guys, like Mario. Kong's capable of playing many positions and should be able to make an immediate impact on whatever side of the ball Mike Tomlin puts him on.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Note to Therrien:

WHAT ARE WE DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Word on the streets is that we're switching the defensive pairings tonight???

Letang will now be playing with Whitney.
Scuderi will be with Hal Gill.
Gonch and Brooks remain together.
Sydor remains a healthy scratch.

Therrien will match Gonch & Brooks with the Jagr line whenever possible.

Hal Gill & Letang were playing great together. Why are we switching this up? Gill is a guy who plays better when he's comfy with his mate. Witness the transition after the 1st few games when he arrived. It took him a week or so to get acclimated, and he's been a beast ever since. Now we're switching him to play with Scuderi?!?!?!?

Whitney's by far our biggest liability defensively, and by far the least physical. so we pair him with another puck-moving defenseman?!?!?!

Gill has been a Jagr Stopper over his career. Isn't that one of the reasons we acquired him?

I hope I heard this wrong. Because all of a sudden, I am very...very...very nervous. I've been a Therrien backer to this point, but if this goes wrong, I'm gonna do a Rambo on someone.

Meeting my baseball post quota for the month (er, year)

Pirates attendance is down this year - @ 50,000 less than last year thru 10 games. That's @ 5,000 less per game (long-time math guy). I've got 1 serious recommendation for the Suckos (and the only reason I care is for my friends who still latch on for hope):

One word...think about it. Close your eyes. And picture this....


Even better...if I can borrow an idea from Dan Yost, co-host of Andrew & Dan in the Afternoon which can be heard from 3:00-5:00pm Mondays and Fridays on RMU Radio or podcasted at CyberEars.com, how about...

a Bobblehead that shoots Fireworks.

works for me.


Tony La Russa has been batting his Pitcher in the 8-hole of the line-up, using a position player in the 9-hole.

Some baseball people call La Russa a genius. I call him a dick who would like to pretend he's a genius.

If you make it through the part where Tony asks "what's significant" when he blows, listen carefully. Maybe there's something to be said about this whole 8 / 9 thing...

damn. i almost feel sorry for him after watching that.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Champions League Semi's: Leg 1 Wrap-up

Liverpool owns the entire match at Anfield, but are only winning 1-Nil. 95th minute of what should've been a 94 minute match, late sub John Arne Riise gives up an own goal on basically the last touch of the game. 96th minute, I proceed to hurl up my lunch. Perhaps the most brutal experience of my short-lived footie fandomness.

Liverpool 1, Chelsea 1

Barcelona controls the ball for 65% of the match. The other 35% of the game sees Ronaldo whining for fouls.

Barca 0, Man Utd. 0

Summation: basically, both of 'my teams' appear to be f'd as they both go on the road chasing draws at home. Liverpool hasn't scored a goal at Stamford Bridge in, like, 8 matches. And Barcelona's struggling season continues. Meaning, we could have a Man U / Chelsea Final in Moscow. How fun.

At least I've got my Toronto FC. 500 Baby!!! 6 points in 4 games, and a chance to draw closer at home this Saturday against 1st place Kansas City. Yeah Ber-Ber.

Bring on Ass Bag & the Rangers

I am personally placing a hundred-dollar bounty on the head of Sean Avery. He's the head dick and chief punk on that Rangers team.

Yeah, a hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my Pens who really nails that creep.


Next time you hear someone (i.e. me) say, "Avery was looking for a new blouse to go with his skirt," that statement may not be too far from the truth. Looks like Avery will be working at Vogue, Women's Wear Daily this summer (or in about 2 weeks after they're eliminated). Serious, y'alls:

2nd & Short: Avery to find out if Devil wears Prada

Saturday, April 19, 2008

NBA Playoff Predictions

Timeouts will be fully utilized.

And who ever wins will prove everyone wrong.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Broom Broom Broom. Yeah Broom Broom Broom Broom.

(sung to the tune of that annoying Mazda commercial).

Props to the Ottawa fans last night. Classy applause they gave the Penguins as they shook hands with the Sens. Unless they were applauding the season their Sens had...which would confuse me. I'd like to think that they are classy fans, and leave it at that. I even thought I heard a "Cros-by, Cros-by" chant.

Is is true Mike Millbury called Washington the "Crapitals" the other night?

Pierre McGuire just said on Madden that we need to be afraid of facing the NY Rangers. I'd rather play the Crapitals, but the Rangers are the 3rd best team in the East behind Montreal. And I'm not afraid.

Anybody seen Crosby's playoff mustache? Hilarious. Ryan Malone said he looks like "Nacho Libre" while Hal Gill called him "Joe Dirt." Funnier still...somebody actually saw and remembered Joe Dirt.

The Steelers schedule came out earlier this week, and I see no worse than 13-3. 14-2 is more likely, with L's at Jax and at New England. I came to this conclusion completely on my own, without watching ESPN's 2-hour analytical NFL Schedule Release Special.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Ottawa, You Bore Me

I'm sure it's a lovely place to visit, and I love my trips to Canada. But damn does your hockey team blow. No heart, even. I think the only way to make this series interesting is to have Cryin Bryan dress Ray Emery. That's right...dress Emery as a 4th line winger (he can't be any worse than Randy Robitaille, right?). Send him out to take on Big Georges, mano-et-mano. The word down here is that Emery likes to get into fights. Instead of letting him pick fights with his teammates, send him out and let BGL kick the crap out of him. That may even give Sens fans a chance to rejoice in this pathetic series.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Sean Avery Embarrasses Hockey

Sean Avery embarrassed every fan of hockey last night, simply by being the giant turd that he is. But guys like Barry Melrose and Don Cherry will probably stick up for him again, simply b/c he's from Canada. God forbid if Jarkko Ruutu, a Fin, did something as stupid, they'd want him banned from the sport.

Speaking of Melrose...until the mullet leaves the garbage network of ESPN, I won't stop losing respect.

Great comment from Gary Roberts regarding the situation:

"He's an idiot. That's my quote."


Toronto FC is on the Board!!! First positive result of the year...3 points on the road against Landy Cakes, Becks, and the Galaxy...getting the winning goal in the 88th minute from Jeff Cunningham. 3-2 TFC!!! And I'm this much closer to springing for the MLS season package. Next week...3 more points coming in the home opener against Real Salt Lake. Effin ey wish I could be there.


As of today, there were still tickets left for Game 3 in Ottawa?!?!?!?

Are you questioning my fanhood? Yes. Yes I am.

And thanks to Weldy from RMU Hockey Blog for this little tidbit from the Ottawa Sun...

Mural slap in face to Pens


and finally....

The Pens are winning the Stanley Cup this year.

There. I said it.

Win or Lose tonight...I'll be back tomorrow to tell you why. I'm sure you'll be waiting in anticipation.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hockey Player

Don Brennan, Supreme Jagoff

This is almost comical. From the Ottawa Sun...

Sens need to stir pot

How will Crosby's injured ankle hold up to a "two-hander"?

Someone needs to "emerge as a modern-day Bobby Clarke."

"Anything goes."

This coming from a team who lost one of their best players the last week of the season from a "dirty hit" by Toronto's Mark Bell?!? The Bell hit on Alfredsson looked completely legit to me. It was shoulder-to-shoulder, and Alfie was simply caught with his head down. An intentional two-handed slash to someone's ankle is a whole notha story.

It's talk like this that makes it hard to feel sorry for someone who took a Malkin slapshot to the face. Anton Volchenkov...how's the grill, dude?

And btw...Crosby injured his left ankle...not his "RIGHT." Jagoff.

Lame Attempts to Motivate When You Suck

Basketball players do it all the time. "We shocked the world, nobody believed in us, nobody said we could do it, y'alls never respected us, blah, blah, blah." (And that's what the best teams claim).
Brian Murray's ranks up there. "They wanted to play Ottawa." Of course we did, assbag. Who wouldn't want a bye in the 1st round? Fact is, the fork has been in the Senators for so long, that you now need a spoon. And if you had a choice, who would you rather play:

A) A team that sucks, but has dirty players whose only intent on the ice is to injure (The Flyers)

B) A team that sucks (The Senators)

Either the Flyers or the Sens, it didn't matter. The Pens 1st Round series wasn't going more than 5 games. The only benefit of not playing Philly is you avoid the possibility of one of their shield-wearing scumbags (i.e. Downie or Hartnell) taking a cheapish run and trying to injure one of the Penguins stars. The Sens can't even do that right (witness non-tough guy Ryan Whitney's beatdown of Wade Redden last night.)

Game 2 adjustments for Ottawa...word on the streets is that Murray is replacing Randy Robitaille on the 1st line with Martin LaPointe.

Dude. Randy Robitaille would be healthy scratch on the Pens. And your answer to Game 1's drubbing is Martin Lapointe?!?

This series is d.u.n. Ottawa...thanks for coming. Bring on Ovy and the Caps.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Walk On!!!!

Gives me chills...

the one dude at @ the :35 mark looks like Dan Yost. I thought you were a Reading fan, my friend?

Liverpool gets the 4-2 Winner yesterday, and more importantly the 5-3 aggregate to move on to the Champions League Semi's against Chelsea. HELL YEAH!!!

Probably the best match I've seen all year, and properly officiated as well. Liverpool gets the game winner on a Stevie Gerrard PK after late sub Ryan Babel was molested by Toure inside the 18. Gunners fans will complain about the Hleb takedown in last week's match, and perhaps it was missed. Eh.

Tied at 1's after Sammy Hyypia's beautiful header in the 1st half, Fernando Torres provided another huge goal at the 70 minute mark to make it 2-1 (3-2 agg). Absent for most of the 1st half, El Nino finally came alive and blistered one top-right corner past a helpless Almunia. Then Arsenal's Theo Walcott (that boy's good), provided an incredible run to set up Adebayor's match-notching goal at the 84'...which gave the Gooners the more important 2nd away goal that would've sent them on to the Semi's. A minute later, Babel gets mugged, Stevie G converts the PK, and this guy went berzerker in front of his PC at work.

I'd have much rather been at Anfield with this guy after Babel sealed it with Liverpool's 4th goal of the match...

Despite Arsene Wenger's complaints, my Reds got a much deserved victory after owning much of the final 60 minutes of the match. And Rafa Benitez continues to show he's the master of the 2 Legs. Now if we can can only get him to win one of those 1-For-All type matches.

All I need is for Barcelona to wrap things up today against Chelsea, and I'll have 2 of 'my teams' in the Semi's...which could cause complications if they both reach the final.

As far as Chelsea goes in two weeks, I plan on being at Piper's Pub, pint in hand, as Liverpool advances to their 3rd CL Final in 4 years.

"They've got the track record, they've beaten Chelsea twice, there's no reason to think that Liverpool can't do it again." - former Liverpool striker David Fairclough

Saturday, April 05, 2008

NFL Rule Changes (and other stuff)

So the NFL decided to do away with the 5 yard face mask penalty. Why? The reasoning was to shorten the 3 hour games. Shortening the games by eliminating the 5 yard mask penalty? Interesting.

Here's a novel concept...

How about getting rid of a few commercial breaks? Perhaps the dreaded Extra Point / Commercial / Kickoff / Commercial / Resume Play sequence could be limited to Extra Point / Commercial / Kickoff / Resume Play? That would do it for me. The only thing worse in football is when a Kickoff gets returned for a Teed, and you have:

Extra Point / Commercial / Kickoff (Return TD) / Extra Point / Commercial / Kickoff / Commercial / Resume Play.

And people say soccer is boring.

Consider the fact that the average NFL play takes approx 8-12 seconds. For simplicity sake, let's estimate that at least 16-24 seconds is taken in between plays (huddles, etc) with the clock running, meaning only 33% of actual action is being played during the game's 60 minutes. That's 20 minutes of action over a 3 hour period. That's a whole bunch of ESPN hype during the week for 20 minutes of actual action. It's also the reason I find an NFL game not involving my beloved Steelers pretty boring. Maybe that's why I need to have a financial stake on games not involving the Black & Gold...to keep me from gouging my eyes out while I'm watching commercials for 2 hours any given Sunday. But eliminating the 5 yard face mask should help.

moving on....

Chris Henry was arrested again and I'm completely shocked. I thought he would've turned it around by now. I mean...it's really not his fault, he's just hanging around the wrong people, me thinks. Maybe it was the environment he was brought up in. I don't know...but there's gotta be an excuse as to why he acts this way. Someone needs to give this kid and his electric monitor another chance...where's Jerry Jones when you need him?


This will probably upset my fellow Steeler brethren, but I'm now of the opinion that the Steelers should've cut James Harrison. Friends of mine, who don't have a Steeler bias, ask me what's the difference between Cedrick Wilson and James Harrison. I don't have an answer, other than...Harrison is a better player than Wilson. Personally, I need to respect the players I root for. And if the Steelers are gonna be held to a higher standard, which was the assumption I was always under and one of the reasons I love the organization, then I say cut his ass. Otherwise, we're no different than the Bengals. I'd rather lose with dignity than sacrifice our integrity, which is exactly what we've done here.

So there's my second complaint of the NFL...too many thugs, gangstas, criminals, and wife-beaters. Tough to root for those guys, especially in-between all those commercials.

And finally...

I'm tired of Chad Johnson. Tired. Can we make another rule change and eliminate all WR's? Let's just do away with the position. We can play with just RB's, TE's and Fullbacks. If you haven't seen this yet...hilarious stuff at the 3:00 mark on...kudos to Brian Kenny. Amazing that I used to like this ass bag...

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Pens Beat Down Dirtbag Flyers, Win Atlantic

The scumbags from Philadelphia never cease to amaze me. Earlier in the year, it was lowlife Steve Downie. Downie must've been looking for a new blouse last night, because he was nowhere to be found on the ice. Last night was the Scott Hartnell circus.

Seeing the Flyers haven't won a Cup in over 30 years, it's pretty clear they just don't get it. Brutish, cheap, dirty play sans talent is not a winning formula. If the goal is to make yourself look ridiculous, they've got it nailed. But as far as winning anything, they'll always be irrelevant in the grand scheme. If you missed any of the festivities last night, here's the breakdown...

1st period - 2:22 -
Punching bag Riley Cote decides to embark on his only purpose as a "player" and play tough guy. Big Georges punches Cote's helmet off, pounds his face a few times, and when Cote decides the spin technique isn't working and he's had enough, he pulls Laraque down to the ice so the linesmen can rescue him. Nothing new there.

9:59 -
Jeff Carter takes a cheapish run at Fleury, goes to the box for roughing, Gonchar ties the game 25 seconds later 1's.

Minutes later -
Scott Hartnell, shield wearing female, takes a run at Crosby after the play...cross checks him in the head. A scrum in front of Biron takes place, minus Hartnell who skates away sheepishly.

*editorial note - if you're gonna be an agitator (i.e. an Avery or a Ruutu), lose the shield...or don a skirt.

13:13 -
Scumbags go up 2-1. Mike Lupul, girl, gets ass kicked by Orpik after celebrating in front of Fleury.

14:06 -
Cheap shots continue, this time from Lasse Kukkonen. Kukkonen crosschecks Sid. Crosby pushes him around a little, and they both go to the box for roughing.

2nd Period -
2:26 -
impersonation (your wife sucks p***y!), comes storming outta control to take a run at Sally Hartnell gets smashed by Gonchar at one end of the ice. Hartnell does her best HanrahanGonch, and ends up with a bloody face from the butt end of Gonch's stick. No penalties are called. Everyone in Mellon Arena laughs at Hartnell, except for Flyer coach (for at least 2 more games) John Stevens, who is seen crying on the bench.

6:07 -
Hartnell, still out of control and taking the Flyers playoff hopes into her own hands, takes a 2 minute charging penalty after Braydon Coburn was already whistled for holding. Thanks for the 5 on 3, dick. 19 seconds later, Sid scores and ties it at 2.

8:28 -
Hartnell, after pouting in the box for 2 minutes, takes a run at Orpik. While Brooks is laying on the ice, Hartnell takes her stick and tries to rake Orpik across the face. After Orpik gets up, Hartnell takes another cheap shot at him while skating away. The refs blow it and call matching minors for some crazy reason.

14:33 -
After another Flyer penalty, talent again wins out. This time it's Geno Malkin on the PP, getting his 47th on the season. 3-2 Pens.

15:08 -
Danny Briere shows he's capable of learning the Flyer way, and gets sent off for roughing after cross checking Malone in the head. Jarkko Ruutu gets a matching minor for being Jarkko Ruutu.

3rd Period -
more of the same...no talented Flyers continue to play the only way they know how, and give up another PP goal at 18:26 to seal the deal. Sidney Crosby gets the #1 Star with 2 goals and 3 points on the night. Familiar story to Flyer fans.

Pens clinch the Atlantic Division and the #2 Seed in the East. The magic number for the Eastern Conference is now 2. LET'S GO BUFFALO.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

For Ned...

and his love of hockey (as well as being sick of seeing Billy Crystal up there for the past 3 weeks)...

actually, if the Pens don't win tonight and clinch the Atlantic Division...that may be me & some Flyers fan come Sunday. Ah, the passion.