Things To Do in Pittsburgh When the Steelers are Dead

So the beloved Black & Gold have become complacent after dominating the NFL in 2005-06. It could be expected, but nonetheless is certainly disappointing. Howeva,(said in Stephen A. Dork voice) don't let that get you down. If you plan on heading down to the friendly confines of Heinz Field, you can still get silly crazy at your own little tailgate party.

Grab some beers, some tasty eats, and a few of your closest pals...and you've set yourself up for a nice little Sunday. Make sure to bring some pork chops, as well some other meats & cheeses. You'll need a nice little base for all of the frosty beverages you'll consume.

Oh...and you definitely need a grillmaster. Someone dependable who won't torch your meat. Someone that you can really count on in the crunch...when kickoff is approaching and you need that one last brat to bury. A team leader, if you will. You need a guy that won't act like an ass clown when you ask for ketchup, no mustard. Someone the kids can look up to as a real role model. Like this guy:



If tailgating just isn't your bag, we here at Empties Crushed have come up with the following list of things to do in the Burgh, just to get you through the end of football season:

1. See Borat. Maybe, just maybe the funniest movie EVER. I know, you think I'm embellishing a bit. No joke, y'all. If you don't laugh at this movie, you're a lost soul. Check your local listings.
2. Go see the 2009 Stanley Cup Champion Penguins. Sid the Kid & Evgeni Malkin are the real deal, kids.
3. Three Rivers Film Fest, November 2-16. I'll be back in a few weeks with a half-assed report.
4. Pitt Hoops at the Pete. Unfortunately, we gave up our season tickets because of that scum bag of an Athletic Director Jeff Long's new ticket policy, which was a total sham and screwed its long time loyal fans. However, that's not the players' fault and its an issue for another entry. Pitt is ranked #4 in the nation, pre-season, and they're predicted to win the Big East. High Five.
5. A few bands to see in the Burgh over the next month: Mac McCaughan's band Portastatic at the Andy Warhol, the Appleseed Cast at Mr. Small's, the Brazilian Girls at the Rex Theatre.
6. Cheer for the Steelers to lose. Sounds crazy. But a true fan knows the value of swallowing pride when the season is lost, and roots to lose out. The more we lose, the higher the draft pick. I'd rather finish 2-14 than 7-9. If we lose enough, we may just be able to move up high enough to draft Brady Quinn (since it appears Big Ben has lost the mental capacity for the game). I don't recommend taking this tactic to the game, but rather, in the confines of your own home with a few understanding friends.
7. Spend time with a loved one. I mean, it's only football. It's only a game. Next time your team is getting their tits peeled, think about what really matters in the world...your friends and family. That's right. It's only a game. I said it. So go give your significant other a big hug, and tell her/him that Gary sent you.

If you do go to the game, don't be that guy:



And don't be a little whiner about the refs, either. Always remember #7 above..it's only a game, Jess.