...randomness surrounding Guided by Voices, Robert Pollard, and other great indie rock bands; a quasi objective look at "my" sporting teams; the random horror film; plus other crap as we see fit...all with a Pittsburgh based feel.
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO (pause) HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO
become...
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO Woo, Woo (barking type sound) HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO
If your answer is, "it's always been like that", then you're obviously too young. And you probably don't have an appreciation for Delton Hall. I think I prefer the older version...but I'm old skool like that.
(thanks to fellow Beloved fan Rebecca for the image)
For all the JB lovers out there, here's the reason I loathe him, and a simple example of how he is self-centered:
Talking to Paul Alexander in Tampa, Bettis was asked about what he thinks is motivating this year's Steeler team to win a Superbowl. He goes on about certain players, blah, blah, blah, and when talking about Willie Parker....
"Willie doesn't have to worry about playing in my shadow this year."
The only thing Bettis did in '05-'06 was almost COST us a Superbowl when he fumbled at the GL against Indianapolis, and Big Ben had to save his ass. The Steelers won Superbowl XL in spite of Bettis, not because of Bettis. Sorry. Fact.
This misnomer about Bettis exemplifying Steeler football just because he danced like an idiot after every 5 yard carry is ridiculous. Without Willie Parker, Bettis STILL doesn't have a Superbowl ring. F*#k him. And f#*k his restaurant, too. The food blows.
Sorry...I can't take that as an EC original. Dave Grohl is the originator of such Bruce dissing. I can't say I disagree, though. Let's face it...Bruce sucks. Ditto on that lame ass "Born in the USA" song. Sorry. Don't go all Ron Kovic "Love It or Leave It" on me, now. I'm simply saying Springsteen and that song in particular both blow ass. The Sopranos dude with the stupid thing on his head has to go, too. You don't rock, dude...let it go. Let. it. go.
"The Boss" will definitely NOT be heard at halftime for our little Superbowl Festivus, though. Much better tuneage will be in place as we can continue to consume pop and bury hoagies at halftime.
Actually...here's my entire schedule for Sunday (and whoever else will be partying with me and the EC clan):
The first Bloody Mary will be consumed bright and early...
9:00am - Inter Milan vs. Torino - live on FSC 11:00am - Liverpool vs. Chelsea - live on FSC 1:00pm - Barcelona vs. Racing - delayed from 11:00am on the DVR
(during these 6 hours, there will be 4.5 hours of "action")
3:00 - 6:00 - Superbowl Preview Crap. Once I get bored with hearing the same bullshit for the 20th time in 2 weeks, which may only take 15 minutes, the iPod will be rawking.
6:00 - The Beloved wins their NFL record 6th Superbowl. Some Cardinals will get lit up in the process. We'll "Oooo." We'll "Aaaa." We'll drink. We'll eat. We'll celebrate. We'll watch a whole bunch of commercials.
Did I actually hear the Cardinals and dork Kurt Warner play the "no respect" card??? If you really need extra motivation to win a Superbowl, your lame ass bird is already cooked. I lost respect for Kurt Warner the minute he had his wife call in a radio talk show to stick up for him. Get ready to fumble, Kurt...a lot.
My boys are now firmly in second and now only two points shy of leading the table. If Liverpool can only draw a tie in a fixture versus ...someone forgettable, just wait till Stevie Hunt and the rest of the clan make their way up to the EPL next season. I'll write the good guys up for six points for those two Liverpool fixtures.
These are the good times...
Also, readers of EC are going to fall into a healthy sum of cash, as I show you how to make bank on all those Super Bowl prop bets. (In the industry, that's called a "tease.")
Yeah, I know my Reds are once again behind those wanker Mancs. Yeah, I know of at least one fellow blogger and one household member who will rub that in. But this is when the cream rises to the top...or something like that. I'm standing behind my squad, dammit! It all starts with 3 points tomorrow against Wigan. Then it's back to Anfield on Sunday where we'll take down Chelsea. From there on...it's no looking back. Man U will falter once more. And #8 will put us on his back and take us to the top of the table once again, mates. You heard it heard it here first...THIS IS OUR YEAR!!!!
Jess seriously thinks I want his babies. I say...only if they grow up like dad and play midfield for Liverpool.
If you are a school that graduates 20, and carries a roster of eight kids with "learning difficulties," signing up for a high school league where kids are playing to earn college scholarships and coaches are attempting to make a living (traditionally, one would think job security would more easily achieved by winning a contest 100-0) seems a bit short-sighted.
For their part, Dallas Academy did nothing to welcome this media attention, but they certainly aren't backing away from it. They seem perfectly content to grab every interview they can, instead of... I don't know, maybe practice.
So yeah, by all means, please teach these kids the valuable lesson that it's not if you win or lose. It's how much you can whore yourself out, when it's time to grab every chunk of your 15 minutes.
You know that seat back that's staring you in your stupid ass face as you sit on a plane? Well...on the other side of that seat back is another human being, who most likely has their back firmly resting against it.
So every time you kick, or punch, or whatever it is you feel like doing to that seat back...remember this: There is someone in front of you who feels it EVERY time, and is really holding back their temptation to grab you by your STUPID FUCKING FACE and shove you in an overhead compartment.
I, too, was young once. Although I never really played with it myself, I can see how one could get a kick out of playing with the fold-up tray. I always enjoyed the functionality of the indentation in the tray that would firmly hold your plastic cup as I buried my peanuts. But that's just me. I guess I'm a lame ass for not seeing the enjoyment I could've had by constantly folding the tray up and down so it banged against the back of the chair. Or maybe I realized that would anger the person in front of me, and I didn't want anyone to grab my face?
To the parents of said dumb ass kids, realize this: teach them some common sense manners, or risk having a tired, pissed off, fellow traveler do it for you....the unpleasant way.
HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU:
Dumb ass kid sitting in 8A on US Airways Flight 632 from Phoenix to Pittsburgh on Saturday 1/24/2009.
So, while Gary is on "the island", I'm in Erie, Pa. What that means to you, the faithful readers of EC is this; Gary ponders and blogs about music and tropical drinks, while I sit in a hotel room and wonder aloud which insurance spokesperson I'd rather do. Erin Esurance or Flo from the Progressive commercials.
VS.
I expect a heated discussion of this topic in the comments section.
Also, Erie has these frog statues sitting all throughout the downtown district.
Nothing really to say about it, just justifying my decision to bring the camera with me on the trip.
Been awhile since we've rawked some tuneage on EC. So here's some of the stuff that the natives have been playing all over the Big Island this week:
I guess The Muslims are now under a new name...The Soft Pack, so if you like these guys, try searching both names. Here's a live performance at The Echo doing their tune "Parasites." Rawks...
This one here has been in heavy rotation during our little vacation:
Like Swell, also a San Francisco band (The Muslims are from San Diego, so maybe there is a rhyme and reason to this montage). Kind of a goofy band name, but they seem like pretty cool kids. Nodzzz MySpace HERE.
And I will be. After I steal Tirpak's. He'll never see it coming. We bury the Cardinal. Tirpak gets his ring. We drink together. I get him all boozed up. I'll throw on Shockwaves, which will surely put him to sleep. KABLAMMY! Superbowl ring I snag, right underneath his nose. He'll never see it coming.
**Note for the EC archives: I believe that's the first "KABLAMMY" written on these pages. Search it.
The initial reason for this post was to keep with the NY resolution of "a post a day." See, technically, while all you wanker mainlanders are already on Wednesday, we tan island folk are still sipping $3 Mai Tai's, rawkin the iPod (np: Beat Happening on shuffle), and enjoying paradise. The Hawaiian people have a name for all of you...it's "Wanker Mainlanders."
But my new partner picked me up! That crazy bastard! No worries, as the resolution lives on! But to the point of this post (To the Path!!!):
Now that Willis McGahee is out of the hospital, and appears to be OK, can we all let it out now and laugh hysterically like we all wanted to when he got his face planted? SURE! Laugh people!!!!!!!! The Baltimore Dopes who talk about placing bounties on people got their collective tits punched in. The little boy who likes to run his mouth got his face slapped. Ray Ray was almost in tears. THAT, was funny. Watch it...
Bounty Collected: Ryan Clark. Willis gets a nice new pair of sausage tits.
Don't let the score fool you. This game was never as close as it appeared. The "Gain 100 Yds. a Game and Pray for Miracles" game plan will obviously not be the new copycat strategy of the NFL next year. It won't become the next "West Coast Offense" or "Zone Blitz." The Ravens got their dicks punched into the dirt, for the 3rd time this year. Go ahead, laugh. It's easy to dislike these clowns...
Bounty Collected: Limas Sweed. Cory Ivy...how does your new pair of liver boobs feel?
The hay-day of Mike Tyson was slightly before my time, so I can't say I remember first-hand how he was, without question, the baddest man on planet Earth. However, plenty of other people were around, and their combined consensus was that between meeting Mike Tyson or Satan in a dark dead-end alley, most people would rather stare down Lucifer than accidentally glare into the eyes of Tyson.
Then, something happened...
maybe it was when Tyson was crawling around the mat looking for his mouthpiece with Buster Douglas looming above
maybe it was the divorce to Robin Givens
maybe it was raping Miss Black Rhode Island
It was clearly in full effect when Tyson, who was behind in the fight, decided Evander Holyfield's ear made for a perfect in-fight energy boost...
However it happened, Iron Mike became the larger than life cautionary tale for boxing, and in return for the education dispensed in untold scores of young pugilist, Tyson lost everything.
In short, he went from this:
To This:
I rehash this old story in order to give the adequate background, to the new "Tyson approved" biopic "Tyson" (catchy, eh?). The James Toback film premiered at Cannes and is being screened at Sundance. Tyson, in support of the film has gone to both festivals, where he's become quite the unexpected celebrity.
But, this is EC, not some feel-good Oprah tear-jerk episode. So, here's Mike giving a toast to Toback, and explaining some of the unexpected problems with the attention the movie has gotten, at some restaurant party for Sundance.
Updated With Working Video
Thank you Mike! It takes a special person to be sober, stand in front of a crowd in a tux, grab a mic and tell us the perils of too much pussy and money.
Even on vacation, EC rolls on with the daily "promise." Here's another promise...
The Beloved kicks Baltimore's tits in today, despite the size of Ray's arms. Six points ain't nearly enough. All the forced mic'd up diatribes in the world can't help the Raven here. This one's outta hand by the 4thQtr. Ray Ray and the rest of the dopes will have their tails tight and snug between their legs when it's over. And they'll still talk stupid.
I watch Riley Cote, aka "Punching Bag", get the snot beat out of him. I know he's a Flyer, but God bless this guy. He gets his face kicked in every time he drops the gloves, he seems to like it, and he always comes back for more. Good times...
An NHL without Riley Cote, or fun at his face's expense, is not an NHL I want to know.
that the Steelers / Ravens game will be a defensive struggle.
Whoever performs better at the Running Back position, and turns the ball over less from the Quarterback position, will have a major advantage. Both teams have great players at the Linebacker position, and Troy Polamalu and Ed Reed are two of the best in the NFL at the Safety position. The only clear edge the Ravens may have, however, is at the Punter position. Edge: Steelers.
Also...the puffy Shelly Smith will be doing an in-depth story Sunday on Ray Lewis and his arms...
I CAN NOT WAIT for someone to take a run at Ovechkin. It WILL happen. And I don't care how cheap it is. I will laugh hysterically. Injury or not, he'll have asked for it.
Everyone's favorite ex-Steeler asshat, Harris Smith, has a date set for tomorrow, in a Lebabon county courthouse. Plex's transgressions this time? Leasing a car and not "paying" for it.
Court papers say Burress leased a 2004 Chevrolet Avalanche worth more than $36,000 from a Lebanon County car dealer in exchange for promises to appear at publicity events. But the civil complaint filed by car dealer Frederick Laurenzo says Burress never returned the car and did not show up to sign autographs. Laurenzo also says the car was seized by New York City police after Burress let someone else use it.
An Avalanche? You surly jest, Plex. The "wearing sweat pants out to a club and strip bar" thing makes A LOT more sense now, but seriously, an Avalanche?
Just add this to the growing list of things to dislike about Smith and/or the Giants.
Also, has anyone noticed how big Ray's arms are? I mean, damn son.
Oh, sure. We'll pummel the hapless Norv Turner led Charger today. But Pittsburgh's worst nightmares were realized yesterday when the superior Baltimore Raven took care of business as usual against the Titan.
Baltimore is just TOO good. There's absolutely no way we can beat them 3 times in one year, so unfortunately, our run for #6 will be short-lived.
Ray Lewis just may be the best defensive player to ever step on the field. At least he's the most intimidating. I'm not sure about the rest of yinz, but I do get a little scared when he's out there. I'm sure, while they don't admit it, there's a few Steelers on the offensive side of the ball who feel the same way.
But the great thing about Ray is that he makes everyone on his DEF a better player. I mean...have you ever scene how he gets the rest of his teammates all jacked up? This is what makes him a first ballot Hall of Famer. He can will...not only the DEF side...but the entire Raven team to victory just by his crazy antics. I was never a believer, but I am now...admittedly.
If the Steelers could do it all over again, I bet they wish they could've drafted Lewis. That way, we wouldn't have to be scared of playing him twice a year.
My Beloved Steeler made a nice run. It was fun while it lasted. Unfortunately, it will be over next week after Baltimore comes to town. Seriously...look how big his arms are...
The sporting world was given a lot of fantastic images in the past week, but two stand head-and-shoulders above the rest. Let us weigh the options...
Vail Skier
Pro: It's a guy stuck on a ski lift with his pants around his ankles Pro: Amateur photographer Pro: Can be used in certain science classes to teach "shrinkage" Pro: Man in question not offended by sudden public exposure
Con: Photographer (ski resort employee) was fired for releasing the pic Con: Wasn't an attractive woman Con: Can be used in certain science classes to teach "shrinkage" Con: Kid on lift now scarred for life
Crying Band Member
Pro: Face paint hasn't smeared yet Pro: Hard to fit any more pathetic into one image Pro: Perfect use of lead room Pro: Cameraman and director have ensured their job security for one more year
Con: You know she's probably pissed about this (leads to more crying) Con: We get these pictures every year Con: Renewed use of trite band camp jokes Con: It's another subliminal plug for both FOX and the BCS
My vote is for the skier, despite how spherical that girl's head is.
WE GOT TWO POINTS!!! PENS WIN! A Power Play Goal was scored! YAY!!! YAY!!!
Ok, to go along with the brand new Pens winning streak, we've got TWO (Count 'em 2!!) New Years' Revolutions for Empties Crushed:
1) No more negative talk about the Pens. All your negative energy JUST MAKES ME STRONGER!
2) You, the loyal readers of EC deserve better...all five of you. Empties Crushed brings you this solemn promise (I put it to you, Greg!)...Not a SINGLE EFFIN DAY will go by in 2009 without a post from EC. And I've got Dan Yost's back on this. As a matter of fact, DY was just telling me the other day..."If a day goes by, and there is not a single post on Empties Crushed, then you can punch me (Dan Yost) in the face."
Now as optimistic as the staff of EC is, we realize this is a lofty goal. What...with games to see, Bob to be heard, shows to attend, drinks to drink...this will be a tough task indeed. So the quality or the length of said daily posts may not always be up to what you've come to expect here. But there will be an EFFIN POST. For the love of Steven Gerrard, there will be a post.
Ruslan Fedotenko is out a month, after breaking his hand on Colby Armstrong's face. Now I love Colby just as much as the next Yinzer, but I cheer for the logo on the front of the jersey, NOT the name on the back...
I'd already stuck the tip of the fork into the Pens for the year after home tit peelings courtesy of Toronto, Boston, and Florida. It's now firmly planted. I can't think of a Penguins game in recent memory that I was less jackt to see than last night's Rangers game in MSG. Another predictable loser. The only thing that could've salvaged some sanctity is if I would've bet against them. Looking back on a month's worth of losses...I can't believe I haven't taken advantage of the Pens recent woes by wagering against them and fattening my wallet.
There are so many issues with this team right now, it's depressing. And it's not a matter of getting a bounce or two. We're WAY beyond that.:
The team's best winger is an aging Petr Sykora.
Without Ziggy, we can't win a face-off.
The Power Play is BRUTAL.
As good as he is, Malkin turns the puck over in bad spots WAY too often.
The entire team turns the puck over in bad spots way too often.
I'm convinced. Miro Satan was a mistake.
One, if not Two, of these Defenesemen need to get traded.
Therrien is running out of line change options.
The Power Play is BRUTAL.
We have ZERO physical presence, both in the corners and more importantly in front of the net.
Max Talbot!! Superstar!!!! -15?!?!
If we're lucky enough to get to a shootout, it's an automatic loss due to sphincter tightness.
#87 is playing the worst hockey of his NHL career.
All of the above is getting to Fleury's head.
Here's the good news:
We're the best passing team in the league. We are so good at passing the puck. We pass the puck from Point to Point better than anyone in the NHL.
We're pretty good at cycling the puck. No need to get to the front of the net, mind you, but cycling the puck with zero chance of creating an opportunity to score is our forte.
Our drop passes look so pretty.
I'm tired.
If you're not a Pens fan, and don't like Sid, you'll rip him for this scuffle saying he jumped Brett McLean. I say it's hilarious. Sid challenged McLean prior to the drop, and proceeds to use him as a dish rag...
that during an "official review", there has to be "indisputable evidence" to overturn the call on the field.
So, I guess what this means, is that we must always remember what the call ON THE FIELD was...because it becomes very important in these situations. I'm glad these play-by-play guys cleared this up for me, because I was very confused.
Oh, the naivete of Brent Musburger. With Penn St trailing by 14 with under a minute left to play, Brent seemed puzzled at how hard Nittany Lion fans were rooting for one last TD, despite the outcome being already decided in USC's favor.
C'mon dude. You don't actually believe that everyone's tuning in for all 12 minutes of exhilarating action that takes place over the 4 hour period?!?!? 4 hour football games without a rooting interest, either team-wise or financially speaking, are simply unwatchable.
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