Mark Madden Fired

Very sad day, I say.

Madden was not liked by all, which is completely understandable. His shtick was more shock-jock-ish on the radio personality pendulum, than say...lame ass Mike Tirico. Of course his constant self-proclaimed "genius" remarks were meant to get under your skin. But if you took Madden too serious, that's where he got you. That's where he struck a nerve. Lighten up, I say. He'd often poke fun of the white trash yinzer contingent, and if you take a step back from the Black & Gold Kool-aid, even a die hard can admit that group is an easy target.

I love the Steelers, and I grew up on Pittsburgh sports. But once and awhile, you need to sit back and laugh at yourself. It's therapeutic. I can laugh at the fact that I'm a huge dork come game day (sometimes, a boozed-up dork). But at the end of the day, I don't take myself too seriously.

So what if he made fun of Hines Ward. I like Hines Ward on my Steeler team. And I'll be sad the day he's no longer a Steeler. But was Madden wrong when he said Hines whines for attention at times? Of course he does. I can take off my Black & Gold colored sunglasses for a while to see that. Like when Hines insists he was never given a shot by the experts, that he had to fight and scrap his entire career, or when he took offense at Ben's "tall WR" comments. Dude...you were a 3rd round draft pick. You didn't come outta "nowhere."

And so what if he didn't like Jerome Bettis. Personally, without the pads, I didn't like Jerome Bettis. Is anyone going to tell me that Jerome Bettis was never self-serving? Jerome served a purpose...he was a great RB on some great Steeler teams, and I'm glad he was here because he made my team better. But I'd never take offense to someone who suggests he wasn't the best of dudes.

My viewpoint of ESPN has completely changed over the last 5 years. Airing on a station where the national personalities always pucker the collective athlete's ass, Madden was in the minority. And it was refreshing. But at least Madden talked hockey. He made fun of the NBA and the Suckos, which I also enjoyed. And providing you didn't take personal offense to his jabs, he was highly entertaining, hilarious at times, and unquestionably talented. At least that's my opinion. I didn't always agree with his opinions, like his insistent defense of his friend Ryan Whitney, but at least he was passionate about the Penguins and the game of hockey.

Madden will be missed, especially here. And judging from his ratings, which were consistently the best in the Burgh, apparently there were more people who "got it" than "didn't get it."

Click here to read Dork-on-a-Mission Bob Smizik's column a day following his remarks regarding Senator Kennedy, which ultimately led to his firing. It is people like Smizik that keep Pittsburgh the old-fashioned (stressing the "old") city that it is. In the words of Iggy...NO FUN...



He's also a huge Liverpool fan...so major props for that.

You'll never walk alone, Mr. Madden. You'll never walk alone.

We're still winning this thing in 6 games...

Provided we can score a goal or two. Ok...so maybe I underestimated Detroit. They're very solid defensively, and if they win 2 more games, I'll concede they're the better team. But will the real Penguins come out to play? Dammit already. This sucks.

A few thoughts...

Pens have been totally outplayed in the first 2 at Joe Louis. That may be an understatement.

My goal lamp is bored.

With how good he has played, there's no reason for Chris Osgood to completely embarrass himself. Time to change those goalie pads in for a scuba suit, Ozzie.

Johan Franzen's effort as best supporting actor was kinda comical as well...



I'm sorry. But when you have trouble selling out your playoff games, the title "Hockeytown" has to be somewhat questioned.

I know that blaming the defensemen in a series where you've yet to score a goal may sound crazy, but JHC we can't get the puck up the ice. Where have all our great "puck moving defensemen" gone?

Hal Gill has resorted back to the cement shoes in lieu of skates.

Can we get a little mustard on the passes, boys? Everything coming off our sticks is just way too soft. Or, as Therrien may say..."sof."

I predict Darryl Sydor will make an appearance next game. Or at least the D-pairings need to be changed, perhaps back to the pairings we had pre-Rangers. But something on the blue line needs to change.

If this series ends up being a flop, it would hurt the NHL's popularity with the mainstream. And I could give a rat's ass.

GENO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE THE F#*K UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still winning this thing in 6 games...

more tomorrow, as yes I've been quite busy getting ready for these Finals, but I just wanted to get that out there on record.

It's really rather simple, actually. We're the best team in hockey. As good as the Red Wings are, we're simply better. Nice effort by Detroit Saturday...now it's our turn.

Oh...

and experience doesn't score goals. Marian Hossa scores goals.

lots more stuff Tuesday after the series is tied at 1's...pics, stuff, sesquentials. And we saw X at the Rex Theatre Friday. Good times ("best non-GBV show ever," Jess proclaimed).

Derian Hatcher, Gutless Coward

Nothing sums up the Pens ass kicking of the Flyers in Game 5 more than the image of Derian Hatcher skating away in fear from Big Georges, again. Only 3 nights earlier, Hatcher had no problem trading punches with Ryan Malone, a player he outweighs by 20 pounds. Now he had a chance to energize his team when they needed it most, and take on BGL (a player equal his size).

As expected, Hatcher skates away with purse intact, but not before he uses his stick to cheapshot BGL a couple of times. Prototypical Flyer behavior, and the reason they are loathed. Anytime they have a chance to man up, they bring the sticks and the visors, and run away when it's convenient. Cowardly turds pretending to be tough guys.

Crosby whines, Malkin dives, the refs sucked, wha, wha, wha. 6-0. Later, ass bags.

This hurts...

actually, it's quite funny. Thanks to Tony over at RandoMango for that.

The Official Philadelphia Flyer Excuse Portfolio

big thanks to the Pensblog for above

As Flyers fans prepare for the inevitable, here's a little handy-dandy guide to help yinz out:

Rule #1 as a Flyers fan: never, under any circumstance, admit you were beat by a superior opponent. The following is a list which may be used by all Flyers fans, young and old. Whether you're a whiner, a neanderthal, John Stevens, a conspiracy theorist, the confused, or simply delusional...there is sure to be an excuse below that will suit your particular personality.

• Crosby dives.
• Malkin cherry picks.
• The refs sucked (may be followed up with "we have stars, too").
• The linesmen sucked.
• The Penguins cheated.
• Spygate!!

• Simon Gagne was out.
• Kimmo Timonen was out.
• Braydon Coburn got hurt.
• Donovan McNabb was out.

• The puck just didn't bounce our way (or, to be more definitive, exclude "just").
• Ice conditions were not conducive to the Flyers style of play (may be followed up with "we have stars, too").
• The new style NHL isn't conducive to the Flyer style of play. Long live the Broad Street Bullies!! (a true Flyers fan will play with themselves any time the "Bullies" are mentioned).
• The Penguins wore higher-than-normal skate blades, causing our cheapshot elbows and cross checks to land lower than normal, missing their heads.

• The NHL wants the Penguins in the Finals.
• Versus wants the Penguins in the Finals.
• NBC wants the Penguins in the Finals.
• Gary Bettman wants the Penguins in the Finals.
• Colin Campbell wants the Penguins in the Finals.
• Everybody outside of Philly and Detroit wants the Penguins in the Final.

• The humidity level at the Wachovia Center was not properly set, causing Scott Hartnell's shield to fog up, blurring his vision, and making it more difficult for him to take cheapish runs at players after the whistle and hack at people with his stick. - insert 'Mellon Arena' for 'Wachovia Center', when applicable.
• NHL Officials in Toronto lost the Zapruder film. I swear we saw some dude on the grassy knoll.

• John Stevens should've dressed Riley Cote. He would've beat everybody up because he's tough. The Flyers need more players like him. Long live the Broad Street Bullies!! (again, playing with yourself is not only permissible, it's encouraged).
• Steve Downie was confused with the puck on his stick. He's a much better player without the puck.
• That Penguins goal on Sunday should've counted (this one's good for "the confused").
• That whole Rocky statue scandal distracted us.

• If the Penguins wouldn't have been so bad prior to the 2005 draft, they would've never had a chance to draft Crosby.
• Crosby dives.
• Too much weight is placed on the playoffs. We beat the Penguins 5 games to 3 in the regular season. That's what really counts.
• That last game of the season...the Penguins lost to us on purpose. (Can not be used in conjunction with the previous excuse, unless you're "the confused").

• IT'S JUST ONE BIG CONSPIRACY.

This list is definitely not all-inclusive. I'm sure we're missing some, so feel free to add as necessary. Remember, the shorter the series goes...the more excuses that will be needed.

Yinz Luv 'Da Guins

Appears that last video is temporarily unavailable. I'm blaming the refs. Meanwhile...this is absolutely hilarious...



"your captain's getting stitches, all over his face...just because."

from Deckofjack on YouTube. Good stuff.

Dancing With Danny

Opening faceoff, Game 3, Eastern Conference Finals...at the intimidating and scary Wachovia Center...home of the intimidating and scary Philadelphia Flyers...



Not long afterwards, Briere was overheard asking himself...

What would Gary Roberts do?

Derian Hatcher Finds Blouse

...one to match his skirt...

quote from BGL after Sunday's game:

"Last night I went after (Flyers defenceman Derian) Hatcher when it was 4-2 near the end," said Laraque. "I said, 'Listen, you wanted to be tough against Malkin? Show me how tough you are. You're 6-5, 230? I said let's go.' I wanted to fight him because I can't let a big guy like that go after our star players and not do anything about it. At least I let my message through to him."

note to Georges: don't hurt him too bad. We're better off the more ice time Hatcher gets.

Beat Down

Told ya this was gonna be fun...



The Flyers perspective of the fight was that Upshall won because he blocked all of TK's punches with his face. Hockeyfights.com gives TK the win at 88%. 8% had it a draw, and 4% Flyers fans chimed in.

After Friday's game, Upshall was quoted as saying the Malkin breakaway shorty that lit up Biron's man boobs was residue of Geno being "lazy." Ok.

At one point during yesterday's game, Malkin's broken stick that laid on the ice blocked 2 Pens shots...which was more than all of the Flyers defensemen had combined. Malkin's stick will be a free agent at the end of the season, and rumor is that Paul Holmgren will try to sign it as a free agent to replace Derian Hatcher.

I love the fact this was called No Goal...


I also love the fact that Jarkko Ruutu gets punched in the face after the whistle, and Ruutu gets 2 minutes for having his face in the way. You get our worst game, and we still beat your lame ass. I want to play short handed the rest of the series. I want every penalty to be called on the Pens. I wish Crosby and Malkin would play with one hand tied behind their back, because nothing can save this series for the scumbag Flyers.

The pumpkin colored jerseys won't help you back at the Wachovia Center, either. This series, and the Flyers season, is OVER. Pack the clubs, boys. Thanks for coming.

btw...did Chris Osgood get shot Saturday night?

Kimmo Timonen, OUT

Too bad, so sad. Any other team, I may feel sympathy for. But the Flyers faithful can take solace in the fact that they'll have another excuse to lean on after their man-teets are peeled.

So John Stevens wasn't kidding when he said he planned on using Derian Hatcher to check Sidney Crosby (Ok, stop laughing, please continue...)


What's the difference between Derian Hatcher and a lamp post?

The lamp.

Ok...very similar to the oldie but goodie...

What's the difference between Steve Downie and a bucket of crap?

The bucket.

Gets me every time. In a related story...

Our good pal Chris Henry was back in the news. Henry, contemplating his future in the NFL, recently said:

"I think it would be better to move on to another city, a fresh start, new team, new environment," Henry told Sporting News Radio. "I'm really a good guy. Just got caught up in a few bad situations. ..."

Shortly after Henry said this, the reporter started to chuckle. Henry proceeded by waving his gun, raping his girlfriend, and throwing a bottle at his car.

My Official Pens / Flyers Series Prediction:

Penguins in 3. Therrien finds a way.

Fun for the whole family....

Phillysucks.com

Only 2 things good to come out of Philly...our pal Steve and Jim's Steaks.

If Gary Roberts were Apollo Creed, Rocky II would've been impossible.

I Hate the Flyers. Even more so than Bono.

that is all.

W.W.G.R.D.

As the Pens continue to roll, the Gary Roberts phenomenon increases to gather mo. Here's some of the Roberts' legends floating around the Penguins locker room, as paraphrased from Hal Gill, BGL, and Whitney:

* When GR goes to Burger King, he orders a Big Mac. And gets it.

* When GR does push-ups, he doesn't push up...he pushes the Earth down.

* GR marinates his steak in pepper spray.

And my personal fav:

* A Pens fan couldn't attend a recent game because he needed to cut the grass. So GR came over and stared at the grass. It no longer grows.

Eff Umberger...

thanks to The Pensblog for above image.
Pens coverage at its finest. Check 'em here.

...and that goes for all of his dirtbag teammates. I don't even know where Plum is.

This is gonna be fun, pure and simple. I think the best the Flyers can hope for is to make it exciting. Because this series probably won't be close.

Sidney Crosby or Danny Briere? Evgeni Malkin or Mike Richards? Marian Hossa or Jeff Carter? Please. We've got the supreme talent, the better special teams, and the best goalie left in the Final 4. The Flyers have Derian Hatcher, a tree stump with a stick. What were once considered weaknesses for the Pens, like the PK or goaltending, are now strengths. This team will not be denied...especially from the likes of a crap organization like the Philadelphia Flyers.

The scary thing is...Crosby hasn't even gone off yet. Yeah...12 assists through 9 games is nice. But Sid has yet to dominate like he can. That will most likely change, if not because he's due, but because the Flyers know how to bring out the best in Sid. And we all know what happens when he plays Philly. They'll take cheapshot runs at him, maybe accuse him of diving, and Sid will walk away with a 4 point night. Meanwhile, Flyers fans who wish they had #87 on their team will call sportstalk radio and cry.

Cocky Penguins fan, here? Effin-a right. The road couldn't have been paved any better. And it's gonna be a pleasure to see the scumbag Flyers squirm in misery, all the way back to the bottom of the murky muck...or wherever they come from. As Mark Madden said yesterday, the Flyers will be no more than carcass that we simply need to jump over on our way to the Stanley Cup.

One thing that scares me. The Flyers have zero class...always have. And it wouldn't surprise me in the least to see one of their non-talented ass bags attempt to injure one of our superstars. That's just how the Flyers roll. Players like Steve Downie and Scott Hartnell no doubtfully sit around naked, masturbate to old Broad Street Bullies videos, and fantasize about who they're going to spear next.

Worse part about these two turds? They've got no problem raising the sticks during a scrum, or punching someone in the back of the head when they're not looking. But they're the worst type of dirty player, because they hide behind their shields. At least our "dirty" player leaves his face out to dry after he hits someone.

I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY. It may not provide much drama, but it sure will be fun. The only burning question may be...

will Head Coward John Stevens dress Riley Cote and allow him to get his ass beat by BGL? I suspect not, but that would be fun as well.